Achieving a Decade of Sobriety without Alcoholics Anonymous or The Disease Myth

I have not had a drop of alcohol in ten years and I never will because I will never satisfy all the people that benefit and profit from my choosing to drink again and I am more powerful than the 90% that do fail. 

Ultimately, the only person that will dictate the success of my sobriety is me and I am not diseased. If you think you are. I feel sorry for you. If you find some comfort in the way I have achieved sobriety for a decade, contact me and I will help anyone who asks by setting you free on your own journey.


Ten years sober and ten years wiser. Wiser only because I have learned Quite a bit about myself and others. I have also expanded my understanding of Alcholoics Anonymous and The Disease Myth of Alcoholism.
I think the most important thing to understanding about this Blog entry is to understand that AA is not the only way to achieve sobriety and in my opinion its a failure for most and the statistics back this opinion.

Check this out:

The essence of AA's approach is the 12 step program to abstinence. An alcoholic who follows the steps begins with the admission of an inability to control his drinking, a readiness to review his own shortcomings, and a willingness to make amends toward others whom he's hurt by his actions. Instead of promising to stop forever, alcoholics commit to living one day at a time without drinking. Nothing is required for membership beyond a commitment to stop drinking.

What if your decided that:

The essence of your sobriety is the choice not to drink. Yes abstinence. You had a  terrible habit and now it is over.

1.  However, there are no steps and you begin by admitting that you have the power alone to control your drinking by focusing on the innate power of your human spirit and brain to control your drinking.
2.  Instead of reviewing your shortcomings, you reinvest in all of your powerful traits and even discover some new ones to replace the time you spent drinking. You activate your mind, body, and spirit in a way that allows you to reinvent your life.
3. You are absolutely not concerned with spending any amount of time making amends for the people you hurt because that takes time away from focusing on yourself. You can't be anything to anyone until you learn how to rediscover the majesty and importance of yourself.. Once you can confidently look in the mirror and know you are whole and powerful, then make your apologies but yesterday will never change and the people that really matter willbe happy that you are better than ever rather than harping on your mistakes. Other people's hurt feelings should be your last concern.
4.  Instead of living one day at a time, you set goals for yourself that have nothing to do with alcohol and then by virtue of that you achieve greatness. 
5. You absolutely must promise your self that you are quitting forever and if you fail, than so what, you get off your ass, examine why you failed and keep going towards your goals outside of what was once a terrible habit, not a disease.

Alcoholics anonymous Assumes the "Disease Myth". This means that you are taught that you have no control over your "disease" so you need submit yourself to the notion that you are powerless of your choice to drink or not to drink. This thinking gives you an out. It gives you the opportunity to believe that it's okay to drink again because you can hit the "reset" button and there will be another group of co-dependent people ready to embrace your failure and promise you a new day after you hand in your chips.

If you believe you have a disease, like cancer or MS, or CF, or something else that has you ina fight for your life everyday than you will believe that you should be expected to fall. You should be expected to fail and should be expected to get up to fight another day.

If you believe that you had a habit that you started and that you have purposefully decided to end that habit by not doing it again, than you have made a choice. Assuming that you are properly detoxed and that you have not harmed your liver or destroyed some other organ like your pancreas through pacreatitis, than no one will ever know you had an alcohol issue unless you tell them.

Let me say this loud and clear. If you stop drinking and never drink again, than no doctor in the world will ever be able to run a test on you and say," wow your alcoholism is really getting better or it's coming back, or it looks bad. Why? Alcoholism is only a disease because the American Medical Association decided to call it a disease to satisfy the billions of weak human being that need an excuse to to fail and continue to drink.

One last thing, 90% of alcoholics fail or relapse within their first 4 months of sobriety. that statistic supported by the American medical Association, Doctors, Alcoholics Anonymous, and every other "support" group and professional association should be your ally not your crutch.

The American Medical association, Alcoholics Anonymous, Bars, nightclubs, liquor stores, psychologists, doctors, hospitals, rehabilitation centers, drug manufacturers, alcohol distributors and other drunks all benefit from you failing because that will reinforce their core belief in the disease myth.

I have not had a drop of alcohol in ten years and I never will because I will never satisfy all the people that benefit and profit from my choosing to drink again and I am more powerful than the 90% that do fail. Ultimately, the only person that will dictate the success of my sobriety is me and I am not diseased. If you think you are. I feel sorry for you. If you find some comfort in the way I have achieved sobriety for a decade, contact me and I will help anyone who asks by setting you free on your own journey.

Me: Beyonddriven73@gmail.com

Even LinkedIn is weighing in on Drinking!

Drinking study


I am approaching another year of sobriety in February. Over the course of the last decade I have been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and I reversed that little gem. Yes, I am not on any pills or insulin much to the dismay of my doctors, the pharmaceutical companies, and the AMA.

I have held the same position for more than a decade now and I will hold that position until I die. Alcoholism is not a disease. Diabetes is a disease. I developed Diabetes and chronic pancreatitis from drinking too much. I can't do anything to stop the progression of my deteriorating pancreas but I have effectively "reversed" the effects of what my deteriorating pancreas has done to my body.

It was really difficult actually. However, I did it. I got up off my lazy ass and lost 55 pounds through diet and exercise by developing my own sustained fitness model. sustained fitness means that I can maintain this fitness model and its exercises until there comes a time when I can no longer run and lift weights moderately. Type 2 Diabetes is a disease. If you choose to do something about it, you can effectively manage it for the duration of your life but it is a physical abnormality of your pancreas.

Alcoholism is a choice. You choose to drink too much and then your body becomes physically addicted to the effects of alcohol. Your brain chemistry also becomes addicted to alcohol's effects.If you choose to get detoxed and never drink again, you can effectively stop drinking and live a normal life. If you have not done  damage to your liver or other organs, no one will ever know that you had a drinking problem.

Bottom line is and always will be: Alcoholism is not a disease.

No matter how much the AMA, doctors, pharmaceutical companies and most notoriously the cult of AA want you to believe that you are powerless over alcohol, you are not. society wants you to believe that you have a disease and  that you will constantly be in recovery from, this disease so that you have an excuse for your behavior.

If you consider all of the money that rehabilitation centers get that are really spawned out of the disease mentality and the AA crutch, people are spending a life savings keeping these places rich. Liquor stores are on every corner and getting wasted is how we celebrate our life. Very strange? I stopped making excuses and took ownership of my life, my choices and my disease. I'll go to any length to help anyone who asks me so that they can do the same. However, society calls alcoholism a disease and therefore it gives most people an excuse. Type 2 Diabetes is a disease and I could have just stayed on pills and or insulin but I chose not to. Fascinating right? It's because I truly believe misery loves company and that the average person loves excuses and crutches instead of solutions. I'm not the average person. Are you?

After walking out of AA more than a decade ago, I took ownership of my drinking issues after 15 years of near death experiences, jail, and car wrecks. I have had some major events take place in my life but yet I have never had a single drop of alcohol. I will experience even more major events that could be considered triggers. However instead of having to give up my AA chips, call my sponsor, or rely on a higher power, I have something much more powerful guiding my life.

This is my choice. I am not diseased and I don't need a higher power or another drunk to keep me from destroying my life by making a poor choice. Alcoholism a choice. Type diabetes is a disease. I own both of these.

I am managing my choices and my disease by turning to the one power that will always be there no matter what:

ME

Spartan Racing and the Miracle of the Cure: You'll know at the finish line!

Anyone of any fitness level at any time can do a Spartan Race and should! I have type 2 diabetes and am 10 years clean and sober. I am a spartan competitor but what does that mean? Spartan Racing's mantra is that, "You will know at the finish line."

What will I know at the finish line?

In March of 2012 I saw this: www.spartrace.com  I decided to investigate beyond the drama and theater of the opening inspirational testosterone filled video. I had seen the movie 300 about the Spartans and remember vividly the scene where the king asks his men what their profession is. What a great scene filled with the stuff that over caffeinated testosterone filled teenage boys love. Here is the scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gI6sARmxEuc..

Now strip away all of that nonsense and calm down.It's marketing and imagination.What I needed to know was what was this Spartan Racing thing about and was it for me. If you follow my blog and or Twitter feed at @MasterofOne73 you understand that I am a fully recovered "alcoholic". Alcoholism is not a disease . It is a habit that anyone can break. Any person who has not done permanent physical damage tot heir internal organs can eliminate all emotional, mental, and physical signs of the supposed disease once they are medically detoxed. If you choose to live your life going to AA and going through 12 step and becoming dependent on those things for your sobriety than you have subscribed to the myth of "alcoholism " being a disease and you will always be in "recovery" . I chose not to live that life based on the scientific facts of the habit as opposed to the lie of the disease myth. The disease myth is a lie and I am living proof. One of my most recent blog posts was about a trip to a new doctor who had no understanding of my "alcoholism" until I told him, even after blood tests.

On the other hand , I am also a type 2 Diabetic. That is truly a disease and is not going anywhere. However a proper diet and exercise regiment will decrease the need for drugs and or insulin when dealing with the progression and treatment of the disease.I did this to myself through alcoholism so I thought i would handle it standing on my own two feet without drugs and insulin if I could.

Reversing Diabetes: http://drhyman.com/blog/2010/05/20/5-steps-to-reversing-type-2-diabetes-and-insulin-resistance/#close

Stop drinking and break the habit of Alcoholism without 12 step or AA: http://www.wikihow.com/Quit-Drinking-without-Alcoholics-Anonymous

This is Sparta!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qR0Uke2XNI
Now that we have the basics down let's shift back to March of 2012. I began subscribing to the Workout of the Day (WOD)  to the letter of the law as written by the PHD level Spartan Trainers. I met with the head trainer for Spratan racing because I happen to be a tenacious salesperson and I sought him out. I spoke to and shook the hand of the creator of the Spartan Race who is an incredible man with a kind soul. I was introduced to training experts and marketing people from the Spartan organization and they all seemed to have the same lighting rod firing through their core. I decided that I was going to train and try and run the 8 mile Spartan Sprint which was coming in August in the area I grew up in as a little boy! The irony!

Spartan racing begins at the 3 mile level and moves to an 8 mile level and then a 13 mile level. Beyond that are 26 mile races and a "Death Race covering days of  physical, emotional, and mental endurance. In March of 2012, I decided to start training. I received no special instruction or personal attention from anyone at Spartan Racing, I just subscribed to the workout of the day training regimen and tailored it to my own thresholds of physical strength, endurance, and mental toughness. I received words of encouragement and fed off of their energy and tips. They kept telling me it was not about winning. Not about winning? I didn't have to be Hobie Call: The World's number one Spartan Racing competitor?. I just had to be a better me. A different me. I had to train to try and finish a race. If I didn't finish than I could always try again. Wow?

I had not run a single mile since I was a teenager. I just turned 40 this past Spring. I had to try and  run now but I had to run up hills, not only did I have to run up hills but I had to run up mountains. I had to lift too. However, I had to stop lifting weights.What? Instead, I had to lift 50 pound sandbags and carry them up hills and then run and then immediately drop and do burpees. What's a burpee? A burpee is important because the Spartan Race obstacle course is filled with obstacles and if you cannot successfully negotiate an obstacle you have to do 30 burpees.

The burpee: http://www.spartanracehq.com/the-burpee/

My race was coming in August. I was going back to my childhood home as a truly changed man. In March I ran my first mile in over 12 minutes. I had no running ability at all. I fell down after my first attempt at a mile. I could barely do one burpee never mind 30 and I was met with defeat every time I tired to perform a workout of the day. I then realized why the mantra of the Spartan Race was not to win but to finish. My training was focused on being competitive my first time out because of all my life's missteps.In the end all I needed to do was finish.

Four and half months of training harder than I ever trained before was allowing me to reflect on my life, on my sobriety, and on my diabetes. It allowed me to focus on my diet, my job, structure my time, and feel alive. I had a goal, a purpose, and I was determined to finish.What will I know at the finish line?

Race day: In august of 2012 I drove to the race. It took me 5 hours and I drove alone and raced alone. I was nervous as there was really fit jacked up guys and galls pumped and ready to go. I was a newbie and I was alone. I was a  type 2 diabetic with chronic pancreatitis and a ten year bout with the habit of alcoholism. I walked to the starting gate and heard" Aroo Arooo" ( this is the chant of the Spartans in the movie 300). I was nervous as hell. The race began and I was running straight up a mountain with 300 other screaming people.

Suddenly the screaming stopped, the muscle heads had slowed to a crawl, the guys wearing spartan costumes were down with their hands on their knees, and I heard laughter. People were laughing! People were having fun. People were kids again. Groups of friends had decided to run together and help each other through the mud and beyond the obstacles. People were there to encourage each other and make sure that no one was left behind. There were husband and wife teams, friends, and even guys and gals in their 60s and 70s moving along and enjoying every moment of the event and scenery. People were talking to each other and encouraging each other along.People were handing out sips of their water and offering energy bars to strangers. Of course there were veteran racers that were tearing through the course with a look of feverish determination.

I was definitely on the side of feverish determination and I reached the finish line in pain because I pushed myself every second of the way to make sure I never stopped running.I was running against my own demons. It was a journey that had my mind, heart, body and soul screaming in pain and in joy because I knew why I was there. I knew that I had trained to the best of my ability. The best of my ability......The best of my ability!

I placed in the top 15% in my age group that day. Spartan marketing was true to form. They say you know when you are at the finish line. I knew and I collapsed. I laid there on the ground and I immediately reflected on my journey. They had extended the course to 11 miles without telling anyone until we stepped up to the starting line. I had just run 11 miles and gotten through all the obstacles except two. I never stopped moving.

The miracle of Spartan Racing is that simply deciding to go to train for a race is a miracle. Simply trying to take that first step out your front door to run even 1/2 a mile is a miracle for some. Carrying a sandbag, doing a burpee, running hiking trails, climbing a mountain, and becoming part of the Spartan Community is a miracle. You are forever changed by simply becoming part of the Spartan community. You will never be turned away!Nothing in life is easy. You have to be uncomfortable in order to make things different for yourself. To make a change for the better, you must endure some level of doubt, fear, and discomfort.

Spartan Racing is not about screaming warriors. It's about the miracle of the cure for what is troubling you physically,mentally, and emotionally. It's all interconnected. I lost 30 pounds just training for Spartan racing. I can run a 5K in under 25 minutes. I can run up a double black diamond ski trail. I can do 50 burpees in a row. Even if I never ran a Spartan Race,  I won.

The people of Spartan Racing have developed a community that allows anyone of any fitness level to enjoy the miracle of  facing fears, setting goals and accomplishing anything you want. There is a spartan group for women, for hard core runners, and for anyone everywhere.

I no longer use insulin to treat my diabetes, I remain sober and I managed to run three races last year and place in the top 25% in my age group in each race.I enjoy a successful career and am a husband and father.

If I had one wish, it would be that every alcoholic or addict I knew who subscribed to the lie of AA and 12 step programs could  read this blog.. If you believe you are diseased and that you will be in recovery for the rest of your life than you are limiting yourself. Instead of a coin get a medal for finishing a Spartan Race.You maybe be alive but why not thrive! Instead of wasting hours in a room with codependent people who believe they are diseased, get out and train for a Spartan Race. You will know at the finish line!

 If I could tell every diabetic that sits around complaining about their insulin pump and the need for a cure about training for a Spartan Race, I would. I'm not a doctor, a psychologist, or a certified fitness trainer. I'm a diabetic who eliminated the need for insulin or pills. I also have chronic pancreatitus and I don't take pain medication because pain is relative. I wish I could tell every diabetic to train for a race and that "You will know at the finish line!"

My 5 year old did his first race last year, I will be racing with him on the adult course when he is 14 years old. The Miracle of Spartan Racing is that the cure for the biggest problems associated with the habit of alcoholism and the disease of diabetes is the mental, emotional, and physical process one goes through simply training for a race and joining the Spartan Community.You 'll know  at the finish line.

So what did I "know" at the finish line? I knew that I had to tell everyone that cared to listen that they need to "know" for themselves. See you in 2013 and beyond!

Thank you to every member of the Spartan racing team and to the entire Spartan Racing community!

Arooo!

Alcoholism, Type 2 Diabetes, and the Cure in the Mirror

A little more than 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I actually gave it to myself. That's right I deliberately went out and started on the path towards Diabetes.Unlike Alcoholism which I also gave to myself, Type 2 Diabetes is a disease because it will never truly go away. I was an "alcoholic" for a good 15 years. At this point it is important to mention that "alcoholism" is a habit and it is not disease. No one wakes up one day with alcoholism or is predisposed to it because they are of a certain ethnicity or long line of drunks.At some point for whatever reason, I decided it was a good idea to start drinking and then continue drinking until alcohol took over the basic functions of my body and reduced me to nothing but a scrawny mass of seizures and acute pancreatic attacks.

The AMA debated the validity of "Alcoholism being a disease for decades until they discovered the trail of money to be made from labeling it as a disease. Follow the trail. I spent $400/week sometimes on booze, then I spent in excess of $10000/year on medical costs outside of my insurance payments, I paid thousands in court fees and lawyer fees, I spent weeks in jail, then I spent countless hours sitting a room for people who smoked and drank coffee together in a group psychosis of interdependence. The time I spent in Alcoholics Anonymous was the worst time of all because it cost me time and money because i was not out making money. I was wasting time hoping that becoming dependent on other people's "misery loves company" nonsense would heal me. Maybe i just wasn't in touch with my higher power? Bullshit. I knew there was more to life than these people aspired to be.

 Let's assume that the AMA is right and alcoholism is a disease of the mind. Why then would I want to surround myself with a group of people with a diseased mind after I had sobered up. that seemed counter intuitive and I was enraged that I was forced to be there by the courts. Those people made me sick. Then I collapsed with seizures  I paid even more money to go into a rehab center for a few months until I demanded to leave. Then I paid even more money to sit in a psychologists chair for a few sessions only to discover that I had figured out what my problem was when I was back in rehab locked in a room for 8 hours a night. Miraculously or not, I was given a clean bill of health 5 months after I left this glorious rehab center. My liver enzymes were slightly elevated and my pancreas showed obvious signs of wear but there were no cells in my body attacking other cells in order to systematically destroy my body. I had an emotional and or psychological issue that made the habit of alcoholism serve a purpose. For me it was giving me the ability to cope with a loss and recreate my identity when I moved away from all my friends at crucial age. Alcohol defined me and everything I did. Eventually the habit of alcoholism led to the disease of Type 2 Diabetes

The Habit:

The modern disease theory of alcoholism states that problem drinking is sometimes caused by a disease of the brain, characterized by altered brain structure and function. The American Medical Association (AMA) had declared that alcoholism was an illness in 1956. In 1991, The AMA further endorsed the dual classification of a
Alcoholism by the International Classification of Diseases under both psychiatric and medical sections.( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disease_theory_of_alcoholism)

The Disease

What Is Type 2 Diabetes?

(http://diabetes.webmd.com/guide/type-2-diabetes)

Unlike people with type 1 diabetes, people with type 2 diabetes produce insulin; however, either their pancreas does not produce enough insulin or the body cannot use the insulin adequately. This is called insulin resistance. When there isn't enough insulin or the insulin is not used as it should be, glucose (sugar) can't get into the body's cells. When glucose builds up in the blood instead of going into cells, the body's cells are not able to function properly. Other problems associated with the buildup of glucose in the blood include:

• Damage to the body. Over time, the high glucose levels in the blood may damage the nerves and small blood vessels of the eyes, kidneys, and heart and predispose a person to atherosclerosis (hardening) of the large arteries that can cause heart attack and stroke.
• Dehydration. The buildup of sugar in the blood can cause an increase in urination. When the kidneys lose the glucose through the urine, a large amount of water is also lost, causing dehydration.
• Diabetic Coma (Hyperosmolar nonketotic diabetic coma) . When a person with type 2 diabetes becomes very ill or severely dehydrated and is not able to drink enough fluids to make up for the fluid losses, they may develop this life-threatening complication.

Anyone can get type 2 diabetes. However, those at highest risk for the disease are those who 

• Are over 45
• Are obese or overweight
• Have had gestational diabetes 
• Have family members who have type 2 diabetes
• Have prediabetes
• Are inactive
• Have low HDL cholesterol or high triglycerides levels
• Have high blood pressure
• Are members of certain racial or ethnic groups

I walked in rehab 128 pounds without the ability to walk on my own. In a little over three months I was running a two mile track and had gained 15 pounds of muscle through a very strict diet and exercise plan. I absolutely refused to attend #AA meetings, I ignored all of the doctrine and I negotiated that I would work in the kitchen to avoid meetings and use the remainder of the time to training as if I were Rocky Balboa. What changed? to make a long story short, a counselor that I had a fist fight with at the rehab center escorted me into a bathroom and locked me in there for an hour. In that bathroom I discovered the most valuable tool for anyone who ever goes through the habit of alcoholism. A mirror.......... I'll come back to this! yes, A mirror.

When I left rehab I continued to gain weight and got stronger and bigger. I decided that the best thing I could do was become a muscle head. I took in 5 to 6 thousand calories a day and trained like madman. I joined a flag football league and was an instant success because i was also small, fast, and had built up my endurance. My greatest weapon was that I was fearless. I  shredded up my arm against a fence to try and make a catch, I bit through my tongue and had to have it sewed back on, I dislocated my shoulder, blah blah blah. When those things happened I demanded to keep playing . Duct tape around my tongue and arm in each of those instances. You would think I was getting paid.

Then one day I woke up in the middle of the night and I had to pee like there was no tomorrow. This was accompanied my a crazy uncontrollable thirst. I let this go for two week until the headaches started and the feeling of almost passing out ran a muck on a daily basis. I was out of work after being laid off. I had no health insurance and soon found myself in a free clinic shaking and sweating. I was taken in and I did not leave for three days. My blood sugar level was through the roof and I was diagnosed with type two diabetes. I had no idea what this meant but soon learned that everything would need to change yet again. However, the doctor's were extremely useless because I had no insurance. The doctor at the clinic literally told me that I needed to go buy a glucometer and test strips, get the prescription filled for Lantis insulin pens and then follow up with a diabetic nurse. It was my first taste of what poor people get when they have no insurance and need help.

I went home and I sat and thought about the chain of events. First I drank myself into a a miserable state, then I got healthy, then apparently I got too healthy. all the while my pancreas had been damaged from drinking and now I had been pushing it's strained abilities to the limits but bulking up and gaining weight like a football player. My pancreas apparently had had enough and now I had to take Insulin and eat 2500 calories a day or less and lose 50 pounds? what the f****? I had no insurance and I knew that I needed help and I needed to understand Diabetes so I went to the http://www.joslin.org/ at the advice of a family friend who had Diabetes. I absorbed as much information as I could and after a week I realized that this was not as bad as I thought. In fact this was the exact same battle I had already gone through with alcoholism except this would never go away. However the fight would bring out the best in me or reveal my weakness.

Music had played a big part in my recovery after I had come to grips with the truth that the mirror in the bathroom at Rehab had showed me. I found Hatebreed and it guided me through the challenges. They are not a "hate" group. The singer had a bought with alcoholism and other issues as well and remains sober to this day. The band hates those thing which bring them down or make them less that who they really are. I remember hearing the song,"Facing What Consumes You" and its message and rhythm and feeling carried me and still does.

Hatebreed: Facing What Consumes YouFacing what consumes you is the only way to be free.Released from those poisonous fears.Resurrected once and for all.You want me to hold my tongue,Then why the fuck am I here?You want me to bottle my rage,Cause you never had the heart to say what I say.My life, my body, my pride.You have no opinion, no right.I've built myself nothing like you.My refusal is my way of life.
doubt me, DOUBT ME!,hate me,HATE ME!You're the inspiration I need 3x
You're all the inpiration that i need.
AHHHHH!!!
My life, my body, my prideYou have no say 3x
You don't have a say.

Facing what consumes you is the only way to be free.Though I'm still far from perfection.I stay relevant, I'm still vigilante.I have so much more to say.I have so much more to fight for.I've used your lack of expectation.As my awakening, its my ability to live foreverBy my own command.To be vehement, remain confident.
doubt me,DOUBT ME,hate me,HATE MEYou're the inspiration I need 3x
You're all the inspiration that I need.
Your doubt, it fuels me.x2Your hate, it drives me.x2The challenge ignites me.You make me fight harder! Stanza (x2)
YOU MAKE ME FIGHT HARDER!

I took on Diabetes in the same way that I took on Alcoholism but with a different understanding. I knew that my body was damaged and that Diabetes would never go away. Diabetes is a disease while Alcoholism remained and still is a habit. Fast forward 1 year. I am insulin free, I lost 50 pounds and I competed in and placed in the top 25% in my age group at the http://www.spartanrace.com/. I want to make it very clear that I attribute my sustained sobriety and overall health to the Spartan Race Community and it's leadership. The founder and his team of  fitness experts have  been kind enough to reach out to me from time to time for a variety of reasons. They understand that I live my life with purpose and am proud to be a Spartan Race Competitor  anyone of any fitness level can enjoy Spartan racing. There is truly nothing like finishing a 3, 8 or 13 mile course. You begin to understand what you are capable of and your desire to get better overwhelms you. If you train for Spartan racing for 6 months and do 1 race, you will be a different person. Someday I hope I can spread this message to the addict and diabetic community.

 I did 3 races in 4 months. To this day I do not check my insulin, my glucometer has dust on it and i see a doctor every 6 months. I am not the same as a I was when I was a 185 pound muscle head wrecking ball but I can run a %k in 26 minutes and compete at a fairly high level in obstacle racing for someone in their 40s. The spartan racing community unlike the AA community asks you to be better than you every day. I'm not  really a big community person so I don't run obstacle races with a big group of people and have a good old time. I take myself pretty seriously and try and remember that I am the alpha and the omega.

There is only one person, there is only one thing that can drive a very simple person like me through the trials and tribulations of the physical and emotional challenges of overcoming the obstacles of the habit of alcoholism and the disease of Diabetes.

Flasback to rehab. I could barely stand and I was 3 weeks into rehab. Someone asked me to do something and I through my food at this person. This was not a good idea. little did I know that this counselor was a black belt in some form of martial arts. two other counselors came to help the situation and i got a few good punches in after flailing around like an idiot. I was dragged into a bathroom and sat in a chair and restrained. The counselor who brought me in there looked at me and said," Listen man, you can fight all you want but the only person you are fighting is yourself, we can let you go and you can walk out into the desert. Hell I'll even call you  cab and give you money to get to the airport. In the end you need to decide what you are going to do. However , what ever decision you make you have to live with it and yourself."

I remember sitting there bloodied up a bit and really tired. I sat there for a little while and then shimmied myself over to the sink and stood up while still tied tot he chair with restraints. I stood there for what turned out to be over two hours. I remember the smell of the floor cleaner, I remember the taste of blood in my mouth and I remember it being pretty dark. I moved closer tot he door and flicked on the light switch with my shoulder so I could see better. I looked in the mirror and I saw the most horrific thing I had ever seen in my life. That's saying alot. I lived a fucked up life. I saw someone I didn't know looking back at me in the mirror. In an instant I knew what I had to do because i understood what I had done. Anger pushed through my veins like a lightning rod, sadness poured over me like a tidal wave, and yet relief propelled me to eventually knock on the door and ask to be set free.

The next day the beast was released and I have never looked back. No ridiculous group of interdependent cult like weaklings, no higher power, no god, no friend, no parent, no woman, no drug, no doctor, no one was going to make me better than I was. The only person that had the power to heal me was me. As with alcoholism, I decided to take diabetes head on and alone. I am in the best shape of my life and still sober and I owe it all to me.

I have a scathing and relentless disdain and impatience for what our society does to people who choose to make alcoholism a habit. It's not a disease but being labeled as such limits the innate power of the individual to overcome it. Instead millions of dollars are made by liquor company's and their advertisements, bars, rehab centers, doctors, and self help gurus that feed off of the psychological and emotional weaknesses that come along with labeling yourself an alcoholic for the rest of your life. I have that same disdain and impatience for fat people who are bodily able to do something about their diabetes by changing their diet and exercising but instead choose to try a magic pill or do nothing at all. They just complacently sit back and admit defeat or redefine themselves as a"big person" or big boned". Why so much hate?

 It is because I understand intimately that we are all simply animals. I am living breathing proof of my own suppositions and observations and yet I am nothing special. We are separated from those creatures that walk on all fours by a complex brain. That brain is influenced by the society we live in. The society that molds the vision of "self" for people is flawed and destructive. Our brains begin to suppresses our natural instincts to survive and thrive as the cancer of societies influences prey on our weaknesses through religion, pop culture, and other human constructs that really are just noise  Money is the driving force behind the sustained lie of "alcoholism" as a disease. Money is also surrendered by people who believe they can do nothing about their Diabetes. Imagine stripping away all the bullshit and realizing you can change the dynamics of your habits and diseases by simply looking in a mirror.

You are your greatest hero and facing what consumes you is the only way to be free!

Alcoholism and My Annual Physical: Nothing but Fun!

Today I went to a new Doctor because I changed jobs and had to find a doctor who accepted my insurance. I was fortunate that I did not have a chance to have my medical records forwarded prior to my going to this doctor.

I wanted to test a theory I had:

Facts are:

1. I drank heavily enough to have seizures during the last 3 years of my 15 year drinking experieinces.
2. I was hospitalized over 15 times with acute pancreatitis: http://www.uptodate.com/contents/acute-pancreatitis-beyond-the-basics
3. I was diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis for which I was given pain medication. I took that for about two years and then stopped because I decided that pain is relative.
4. I had multiple DUI's and visits to jail
5. I spent years in and out of #AA
6. I went from one rehab clinic to another only to leave and continue drinking
7. I developed Diabetes as a result of destroying my pancreas but that didn't come on until 7 years into my Sobriety.
8. I was on pills and then on insulin for a year until I decided to lose 35 pounds and start training like a ravenous beast

This new doctor and I had a conversation about my lab work that had come back and he had some concerns and was very empathetic and kind when he told me that I was borderline Diabetic. This was something that he could not explain because my Body Mass index indicated that I was overweight but he went on to explain that the BMI calculator does not account for overly muscular people. My blood pressure was 114 over 74 and this caused some further confusion. He asked me about my diet and I told him that I ate sensibly and splurged when i wanted to but was restrictive because I was an athlete. We went on to talk about my family history and there is no pattern or history of Diabetes. He struggled on for about 15 minutes until I told him to stop trying to understand.

I decided to give him the facts as I listed them out above. Suddenly all the lights went on and this guy understood what he was dealing with here. He then asked me if I was an alcoholic? I said, " Define the word "Alcoholic". He smiled and explained that he was asking if I had a drinking problem. I responded that this was avery different question than asking me if I was an alcoholic. I explained that the American medical Association defines and Alcoholic as someone who has a disease which they decided to label as alcoholism.

( http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/alcoholism)

I went on to explain that one point I had a very bad habit of drinking everyday until alcohol took over my body and caused me to become mentally and moreover physically dependent on it to get through the day. When I was forced by seizures and acute pancreatitis to be hospitalized, I was medically detoxed and went through rehabilitation  so in essence I developed a very bad habit that I brought on myself for a variety of psychological or environmental reasons and it consumed me physically. I concluded my dissertation about the habit of alcoholism by saying that I no longer had this awful habit because I had stopped drinking completely and live a very healthy life both physically and mentally. As a successful executive  father, and husband, I no longer have the need for this habit.

The look on my new doctor's face was one of pure delight. He congratulated me on my success in staying sober. I explained that there was no reason for him to congratulate me because I only had one choice, I could stop drinking or die. Anyone who does not make that choice deserves to die because they obviously do not have any of their rational thought processes or natural animal instincts of self preservation left. I n essence, if someone chooses to continue drinking when they know they are going to die than they deserve to die. They have essentially committed suicide. I believe and know that anyone who is medically detoxed and given some small amount of  counseling in order to regroup can stop drinking. It's actually very simple.

My doctor said it was not that simple and that alcoholism is a disease that kills millions of people. I said," you're right dr. *****. Alcoholism does kill millions of people. The American Medical association as made it so people who develop a drinking habit of their own free will now have an excuse. They have a label that they can put on themselves that prevents them from fighting back against that which started them down the path of drinking. They now can sit in a room with 30 other defeatist losers with a ten year pin who rely heavily on each other to stay away from the transcendent power of alcohol. There are legions of groups stronger than any other cause or political group that meet daily to whine on their hands and knees about their "disease". The AMA feeds this disease with counseling and drugs and hospitalization and million dollar rehab centers.................He stopped me before i could finish my tirade

He said okay I understand where you are coming from, so how did you do it? How did you stop drinking? I looked him straight in the face and said, I did it on my hands and feet. I did it on the strength of what is inside me. I did it angry. The day I walked out of the hospital I went to every bar and liquor store that over served me and thanked those people for being who they were. At my rehab center I ignored everything I was told about Alcoholics Anonymous and 12 step and I focused on myself and my anger. My anger was not only for the people who had looked me in the face and served me when i had no money or abandoned me when i was passed out cold and alone, it was for me.

My anger was mostly directed at the one person who not only caused all this pain but also the one person who could end it. I was not going to let any doctor or definition tell me I had a disease for the rest of my life and I was going to change everything.

Facts:

1. This February I am sober for ten years without a hiccup.
2. I walked out of #AA ten years ago and never looked back as it insulted my intelligence and understanding of what it means to be a human being.
3. I have been off insulin and other drugs for Diabetes for years and never check my blood sugar
4. I have not taken any pain medication for my chronic pancreatitis despite pain that most people would not be able to ignore
5. I am a successful business executive with my own home and beautiful wife and son
6. I can run ten miles at an 8:10 second per mile pace without blinking 3 weeks before my 40th birthday
7. I can lift almost twice my body weight on bench press
8. I have performed at the elite levels in 4 different obstacle races in my first year of trying

I had a great trip to my new doctor's office today because I am not an "alcoholic". I had a nasty habit that I broke. I tested my theory and had some pretty god results with the evidence that I collected.

There isn't a doctor in the world that can tell me I am an alcoholic. The reason is that alcoholism is not a disease. Diabetes is but they had a hard time with that one too because I worked really hard to get where I am. Chronic pancreatitis is a condition but the pain is bearable considering my body of work in the pain department.

There is no such thing as Alcoholism as a disease. Cancer is a disease, Multiple Sclerosis is a disease, and leukemia is a disease. You can't possibly compare a drinking habit to those true diseases. Alcoholics Anonymous,12 step programs, and every rehab center in the country wants you to believe in the lie of "Alcoholism" as a disease". Then and only then will you have an excuse to fail.

You can live the rest of your life on your knees as an "alcoholic" or on your feet as a powerful human being.

Alcoholism is not a Disease!

Disclaimer: I am not for everyone but I may be for you!

Disclaimer!

I wanted add a new posting to my blog to act as a disclaimer and I have not written in some time. I am not for everyone and my beliefs will almost definitely alienate a huge cross section of those I intend to reach. My response is, " I am not for everyone."

1. Human beings are inherently weak. Through societal conditioning, psychologists, psychiatrists and drug companies,  human beings are a race of dependents. AA counts on this and has the worst success rate for suffering addicts among all other options. wait , what happens if you don't understand that there are other options. You yourself are weak and even worse is the fact that the people who love you and surround you often times become weak in the face of addiction. They have no way of understanding what needs to be done how how to do what needs to be done and they let their loved ones die. Therefore you alone must understand that if you are an addict you r ass needs to be put away in jail or in a rehab center to get medically detoxed and then you alone need to take control of your own life without the label of alcoholism telling you that you are powerless.How do I know this?

• I drank and drugged hard for ten years , suffered seizures  lived alone and all my friends and family abandoned me and left me to die because they had no idea what to do when I alone had lost the will to live. I've seen and personally dealt with dozens of addicts and people that have dies or tried to kill themselves subscribing to AA and the myth of alcoholism.

1. Alcoholism is something that has been debated for centuries and the american medical association finally decided to call it a disease because they stand to profit from the care given to hose weak minded enough to believe they are diseased. The pharmaceutical companies also benefit huge from the addicted mind. Do the research and do the homework. Alcoholism is not a disease. It is a habit that you created through your own free will. It is not passed on through race like the Irish claim nor through genes. None of that has ever been proven or documented with irrefutable facts. However calling the habit of drinking too much alcohol until your body becomes addicted to it has been called a disease because a truly addicted person stops growing and changing mentally and emotionally so its easy to label as a disease because it does effect you for the long term. However, if you are medically detoxed, get sober, and never drink again. You can become an MVP quarterback in the Superbowl . ask Kurt ?Warner? How do I know this?

• I did some serious damage to my liver and pancreas and now have chronic pancreatitius as well as diabetes as a result of drinking. However Noone would look at me and know that I have either of these things because I am currently in the best shape of my entire life. I have 9 years of sobriety and have never ever had a relapse. Ever! I went to AA a few times and was disgusted with the caliber of people and left. I was medically detoxed, and then stopped drinking and never drank again. There is not a single doctor inthe world that could do a single test on me and say that i had" alcoholism" because it does not exist. I am living proof. extraordinarily powerful and unique living proof but living proof none the less.

1. AA is bullshit and is the ultimate way to replace your addiction and dependence on a substance with an addiction and dependence on people who are dependent on each other in a group psychosis type of atmosphere. This atmosphere feeds off powerlessness, weakness, and attributing sobriety to a god that may or may not exist. I could do that too and maybe attribute my success to the Smurfs but if the Smurfs don't exist. the point is that dependent people need other dependent people and a "higher" power for #AA to work and thrive. If there was no higher power than i guess you would have to attribute your sobriety to a sponsor. what happens when that sponsor fails or drinks and god forbid loses his coins or chip on his key ring. where do you turn. How do I know this:

• There is no one on the face of the earth that can ever tell themselves or anyone else that someone else or something else was or is responsible for their success. There may be people or situations that have helped along the way but if a person does take ownership of achieving a goal on their own they will fail.If you choose to be a powerless "alcoholic" that sits in a room full of other powerless people than that is who you are and your achievements are contained within that bubble of thinking and way of understanding your own existence. Conversely, if you understand that you are the only person who can change your circumstance and that "alcoholism" is a label and not a disease, than you can get medically detoxed, stop drinking and simply move on through life and do whatever you set your mind to doing. How do I know this:

1. 9 years of sobriety without a hiccup with drugs and or alcohol. 
2. Quit smoking
3. Changed my diet when diagnosed with Diabetes and got off insulin completely and all other medication to treat type 2 diabetes by losing 50 pounds
4. play 3 sports
5. weight training for 5 years without fail suspended only to train for distance running
6. Went from running a 20 minute mile to a sub 6 minute mile pace for 10 miles.
7. Trained and successfully completed and placed in the top 10% in my age range in two extreme obstacle course races at 40 years old after having my ACL replaced 1.5 years earlier.
8. Walked out of AA rooms 9 years ago and never looked back
9. Have had 9 successful checkups every year and notonce was told I had alcoholism. apparently it's in remission! :)
10. I am a father, a Director at a company,a husband, a brother, a son, a nephew, a cousin, and uncle, a friend, a grandson and the unstoppable master of one.

My blog is candid. It is arrogant. It is arrogant and it is accusatory because I wish someone had spoken to me this way when I was drinking 100 proof vodka for breakfast and at lunch to keep from shaking during my meetings and puking when I got home. Addiction is an ugly habit that I brought on myself as a result of some possible psychological issue or otherwise but it is a problem I solved not a disease.

Someday I hope to open my own rehab center that helps people learn exactly what I did to get where I am today but in the meantime, I am that "asshole" as someone who commented on my blog portrayed me that will say things as they are, not how they appear to be. Everyone benefits from the lie of "alcoholism" and AA except the people that face those terms and ideals.

I am proof. I am the master of One and I am here to help If you don't like anything you have read. If you don't like what I have to say and if you don;'t find me credible. challenge me! I want to know what I have done wrong to get where I am today.

If yourself subscribe to #AA and have 30 years of sobriety and a higher power poster in your head with a meeting you attend everyday of the week. Good for you. You are not what I envision a powerful human being to be but you are sober and alive. Good for you.

The reality is that there is another way to live and it's powerful beyond measure.