Alcoholism, Type 2 Diabetes, and the Cure in the Mirror

A little more than 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I actually gave it to myself. That's right I deliberately went out and started on the path towards Diabetes.Unlike Alcoholism which I also gave to myself, Type 2 Diabetes is a disease because it will never truly go away. I was an "alcoholic" for a good 15 years. At this point it is important to mention that "alcoholism" is a habit and it is not disease. No one wakes up one day with alcoholism or is predisposed to it because they are of a certain ethnicity or long line of drunks.At some point for whatever reason, I decided it was a good idea to start drinking and then continue drinking until alcohol took over the basic functions of my body and reduced me to nothing but a scrawny mass of seizures and acute pancreatic attacks.

The AMA debated the validity of "Alcoholism being a disease for decades until they discovered the trail of money to be made from labeling it as a disease. Follow the trail. I spent $400/week sometimes on booze, then I spent in excess of $10000/year on medical costs outside of my insurance payments, I paid thousands in court fees and lawyer fees, I spent weeks in jail, then I spent countless hours sitting a room for people who smoked and drank coffee together in a group psychosis of interdependence. The time I spent in Alcoholics Anonymous was the worst time of all because it cost me time and money because i was not out making money. I was wasting time hoping that becoming dependent on other people's "misery loves company" nonsense would heal me. Maybe i just wasn't in touch with my higher power? Bullshit. I knew there was more to life than these people aspired to be.

 Let's assume that the AMA is right and alcoholism is a disease of the mind. Why then would I want to surround myself with a group of people with a diseased mind after I had sobered up. that seemed counter intuitive and I was enraged that I was forced to be there by the courts. Those people made me sick. Then I collapsed with seizures  I paid even more money to go into a rehab center for a few months until I demanded to leave. Then I paid even more money to sit in a psychologists chair for a few sessions only to discover that I had figured out what my problem was when I was back in rehab locked in a room for 8 hours a night. Miraculously or not, I was given a clean bill of health 5 months after I left this glorious rehab center. My liver enzymes were slightly elevated and my pancreas showed obvious signs of wear but there were no cells in my body attacking other cells in order to systematically destroy my body. I had an emotional and or psychological issue that made the habit of alcoholism serve a purpose. For me it was giving me the ability to cope with a loss and recreate my identity when I moved away from all my friends at crucial age. Alcohol defined me and everything I did. Eventually the habit of alcoholism led to the disease of Type 2 Diabetes

The Habit:

The modern disease theory of alcoholism states that problem drinking is sometimes caused by a disease of the brain, characterized by altered brain structure and function. The American Medical Association (AMA) had declared that alcoholism was an illness in 1956. In 1991, The AMA further endorsed the dual classification of a
Alcoholism by the International Classification of Diseases under both psychiatric and medical sections.( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disease_theory_of_alcoholism)

The Disease

What Is Type 2 Diabetes?

(http://diabetes.webmd.com/guide/type-2-diabetes)

Unlike people with type 1 diabetes, people with type 2 diabetes produce insulin; however, either their pancreas does not produce enough insulin or the body cannot use the insulin adequately. This is called insulin resistance. When there isn't enough insulin or the insulin is not used as it should be, glucose (sugar) can't get into the body's cells. When glucose builds up in the blood instead of going into cells, the body's cells are not able to function properly. Other problems associated with the buildup of glucose in the blood include:

• Damage to the body. Over time, the high glucose levels in the blood may damage the nerves and small blood vessels of the eyes, kidneys, and heart and predispose a person to atherosclerosis (hardening) of the large arteries that can cause heart attack and stroke.
• Dehydration. The buildup of sugar in the blood can cause an increase in urination. When the kidneys lose the glucose through the urine, a large amount of water is also lost, causing dehydration.
• Diabetic Coma (Hyperosmolar nonketotic diabetic coma) . When a person with type 2 diabetes becomes very ill or severely dehydrated and is not able to drink enough fluids to make up for the fluid losses, they may develop this life-threatening complication.

Anyone can get type 2 diabetes. However, those at highest risk for the disease are those who 

• Are over 45
• Are obese or overweight
• Have had gestational diabetes 
• Have family members who have type 2 diabetes
• Have prediabetes
• Are inactive
• Have low HDL cholesterol or high triglycerides levels
• Have high blood pressure
• Are members of certain racial or ethnic groups

I walked in rehab 128 pounds without the ability to walk on my own. In a little over three months I was running a two mile track and had gained 15 pounds of muscle through a very strict diet and exercise plan. I absolutely refused to attend #AA meetings, I ignored all of the doctrine and I negotiated that I would work in the kitchen to avoid meetings and use the remainder of the time to training as if I were Rocky Balboa. What changed? to make a long story short, a counselor that I had a fist fight with at the rehab center escorted me into a bathroom and locked me in there for an hour. In that bathroom I discovered the most valuable tool for anyone who ever goes through the habit of alcoholism. A mirror.......... I'll come back to this! yes, A mirror.

When I left rehab I continued to gain weight and got stronger and bigger. I decided that the best thing I could do was become a muscle head. I took in 5 to 6 thousand calories a day and trained like madman. I joined a flag football league and was an instant success because i was also small, fast, and had built up my endurance. My greatest weapon was that I was fearless. I  shredded up my arm against a fence to try and make a catch, I bit through my tongue and had to have it sewed back on, I dislocated my shoulder, blah blah blah. When those things happened I demanded to keep playing . Duct tape around my tongue and arm in each of those instances. You would think I was getting paid.

Then one day I woke up in the middle of the night and I had to pee like there was no tomorrow. This was accompanied my a crazy uncontrollable thirst. I let this go for two week until the headaches started and the feeling of almost passing out ran a muck on a daily basis. I was out of work after being laid off. I had no health insurance and soon found myself in a free clinic shaking and sweating. I was taken in and I did not leave for three days. My blood sugar level was through the roof and I was diagnosed with type two diabetes. I had no idea what this meant but soon learned that everything would need to change yet again. However, the doctor's were extremely useless because I had no insurance. The doctor at the clinic literally told me that I needed to go buy a glucometer and test strips, get the prescription filled for Lantis insulin pens and then follow up with a diabetic nurse. It was my first taste of what poor people get when they have no insurance and need help.

I went home and I sat and thought about the chain of events. First I drank myself into a a miserable state, then I got healthy, then apparently I got too healthy. all the while my pancreas had been damaged from drinking and now I had been pushing it's strained abilities to the limits but bulking up and gaining weight like a football player. My pancreas apparently had had enough and now I had to take Insulin and eat 2500 calories a day or less and lose 50 pounds? what the f****? I had no insurance and I knew that I needed help and I needed to understand Diabetes so I went to the http://www.joslin.org/ at the advice of a family friend who had Diabetes. I absorbed as much information as I could and after a week I realized that this was not as bad as I thought. In fact this was the exact same battle I had already gone through with alcoholism except this would never go away. However the fight would bring out the best in me or reveal my weakness.

Music had played a big part in my recovery after I had come to grips with the truth that the mirror in the bathroom at Rehab had showed me. I found Hatebreed and it guided me through the challenges. They are not a "hate" group. The singer had a bought with alcoholism and other issues as well and remains sober to this day. The band hates those thing which bring them down or make them less that who they really are. I remember hearing the song,"Facing What Consumes You" and its message and rhythm and feeling carried me and still does.

Hatebreed: Facing What Consumes YouFacing what consumes you is the only way to be free.Released from those poisonous fears.Resurrected once and for all.You want me to hold my tongue,Then why the fuck am I here?You want me to bottle my rage,Cause you never had the heart to say what I say.My life, my body, my pride.You have no opinion, no right.I've built myself nothing like you.My refusal is my way of life.
doubt me, DOUBT ME!,hate me,HATE ME!You're the inspiration I need 3x
You're all the inpiration that i need.
AHHHHH!!!
My life, my body, my prideYou have no say 3x
You don't have a say.

Facing what consumes you is the only way to be free.Though I'm still far from perfection.I stay relevant, I'm still vigilante.I have so much more to say.I have so much more to fight for.I've used your lack of expectation.As my awakening, its my ability to live foreverBy my own command.To be vehement, remain confident.
doubt me,DOUBT ME,hate me,HATE MEYou're the inspiration I need 3x
You're all the inspiration that I need.
Your doubt, it fuels me.x2Your hate, it drives me.x2The challenge ignites me.You make me fight harder! Stanza (x2)
YOU MAKE ME FIGHT HARDER!

I took on Diabetes in the same way that I took on Alcoholism but with a different understanding. I knew that my body was damaged and that Diabetes would never go away. Diabetes is a disease while Alcoholism remained and still is a habit. Fast forward 1 year. I am insulin free, I lost 50 pounds and I competed in and placed in the top 25% in my age group at the http://www.spartanrace.com/. I want to make it very clear that I attribute my sustained sobriety and overall health to the Spartan Race Community and it's leadership. The founder and his team of  fitness experts have  been kind enough to reach out to me from time to time for a variety of reasons. They understand that I live my life with purpose and am proud to be a Spartan Race Competitor  anyone of any fitness level can enjoy Spartan racing. There is truly nothing like finishing a 3, 8 or 13 mile course. You begin to understand what you are capable of and your desire to get better overwhelms you. If you train for Spartan racing for 6 months and do 1 race, you will be a different person. Someday I hope I can spread this message to the addict and diabetic community.

 I did 3 races in 4 months. To this day I do not check my insulin, my glucometer has dust on it and i see a doctor every 6 months. I am not the same as a I was when I was a 185 pound muscle head wrecking ball but I can run a %k in 26 minutes and compete at a fairly high level in obstacle racing for someone in their 40s. The spartan racing community unlike the AA community asks you to be better than you every day. I'm not  really a big community person so I don't run obstacle races with a big group of people and have a good old time. I take myself pretty seriously and try and remember that I am the alpha and the omega.

There is only one person, there is only one thing that can drive a very simple person like me through the trials and tribulations of the physical and emotional challenges of overcoming the obstacles of the habit of alcoholism and the disease of Diabetes.

Flasback to rehab. I could barely stand and I was 3 weeks into rehab. Someone asked me to do something and I through my food at this person. This was not a good idea. little did I know that this counselor was a black belt in some form of martial arts. two other counselors came to help the situation and i got a few good punches in after flailing around like an idiot. I was dragged into a bathroom and sat in a chair and restrained. The counselor who brought me in there looked at me and said," Listen man, you can fight all you want but the only person you are fighting is yourself, we can let you go and you can walk out into the desert. Hell I'll even call you  cab and give you money to get to the airport. In the end you need to decide what you are going to do. However , what ever decision you make you have to live with it and yourself."

I remember sitting there bloodied up a bit and really tired. I sat there for a little while and then shimmied myself over to the sink and stood up while still tied tot he chair with restraints. I stood there for what turned out to be over two hours. I remember the smell of the floor cleaner, I remember the taste of blood in my mouth and I remember it being pretty dark. I moved closer tot he door and flicked on the light switch with my shoulder so I could see better. I looked in the mirror and I saw the most horrific thing I had ever seen in my life. That's saying alot. I lived a fucked up life. I saw someone I didn't know looking back at me in the mirror. In an instant I knew what I had to do because i understood what I had done. Anger pushed through my veins like a lightning rod, sadness poured over me like a tidal wave, and yet relief propelled me to eventually knock on the door and ask to be set free.

The next day the beast was released and I have never looked back. No ridiculous group of interdependent cult like weaklings, no higher power, no god, no friend, no parent, no woman, no drug, no doctor, no one was going to make me better than I was. The only person that had the power to heal me was me. As with alcoholism, I decided to take diabetes head on and alone. I am in the best shape of my life and still sober and I owe it all to me.

I have a scathing and relentless disdain and impatience for what our society does to people who choose to make alcoholism a habit. It's not a disease but being labeled as such limits the innate power of the individual to overcome it. Instead millions of dollars are made by liquor company's and their advertisements, bars, rehab centers, doctors, and self help gurus that feed off of the psychological and emotional weaknesses that come along with labeling yourself an alcoholic for the rest of your life. I have that same disdain and impatience for fat people who are bodily able to do something about their diabetes by changing their diet and exercising but instead choose to try a magic pill or do nothing at all. They just complacently sit back and admit defeat or redefine themselves as a"big person" or big boned". Why so much hate?

 It is because I understand intimately that we are all simply animals. I am living breathing proof of my own suppositions and observations and yet I am nothing special. We are separated from those creatures that walk on all fours by a complex brain. That brain is influenced by the society we live in. The society that molds the vision of "self" for people is flawed and destructive. Our brains begin to suppresses our natural instincts to survive and thrive as the cancer of societies influences prey on our weaknesses through religion, pop culture, and other human constructs that really are just noise  Money is the driving force behind the sustained lie of "alcoholism" as a disease. Money is also surrendered by people who believe they can do nothing about their Diabetes. Imagine stripping away all the bullshit and realizing you can change the dynamics of your habits and diseases by simply looking in a mirror.

You are your greatest hero and facing what consumes you is the only way to be free!

Alcoholism and My Annual Physical: Nothing but Fun!

Today I went to a new Doctor because I changed jobs and had to find a doctor who accepted my insurance. I was fortunate that I did not have a chance to have my medical records forwarded prior to my going to this doctor.

I wanted to test a theory I had:

Facts are:

1. I drank heavily enough to have seizures during the last 3 years of my 15 year drinking experieinces.
2. I was hospitalized over 15 times with acute pancreatitis: http://www.uptodate.com/contents/acute-pancreatitis-beyond-the-basics
3. I was diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis for which I was given pain medication. I took that for about two years and then stopped because I decided that pain is relative.
4. I had multiple DUI's and visits to jail
5. I spent years in and out of #AA
6. I went from one rehab clinic to another only to leave and continue drinking
7. I developed Diabetes as a result of destroying my pancreas but that didn't come on until 7 years into my Sobriety.
8. I was on pills and then on insulin for a year until I decided to lose 35 pounds and start training like a ravenous beast

This new doctor and I had a conversation about my lab work that had come back and he had some concerns and was very empathetic and kind when he told me that I was borderline Diabetic. This was something that he could not explain because my Body Mass index indicated that I was overweight but he went on to explain that the BMI calculator does not account for overly muscular people. My blood pressure was 114 over 74 and this caused some further confusion. He asked me about my diet and I told him that I ate sensibly and splurged when i wanted to but was restrictive because I was an athlete. We went on to talk about my family history and there is no pattern or history of Diabetes. He struggled on for about 15 minutes until I told him to stop trying to understand.

I decided to give him the facts as I listed them out above. Suddenly all the lights went on and this guy understood what he was dealing with here. He then asked me if I was an alcoholic? I said, " Define the word "Alcoholic". He smiled and explained that he was asking if I had a drinking problem. I responded that this was avery different question than asking me if I was an alcoholic. I explained that the American medical Association defines and Alcoholic as someone who has a disease which they decided to label as alcoholism.

( http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/alcoholism)

I went on to explain that one point I had a very bad habit of drinking everyday until alcohol took over my body and caused me to become mentally and moreover physically dependent on it to get through the day. When I was forced by seizures and acute pancreatitis to be hospitalized, I was medically detoxed and went through rehabilitation  so in essence I developed a very bad habit that I brought on myself for a variety of psychological or environmental reasons and it consumed me physically. I concluded my dissertation about the habit of alcoholism by saying that I no longer had this awful habit because I had stopped drinking completely and live a very healthy life both physically and mentally. As a successful executive  father, and husband, I no longer have the need for this habit.

The look on my new doctor's face was one of pure delight. He congratulated me on my success in staying sober. I explained that there was no reason for him to congratulate me because I only had one choice, I could stop drinking or die. Anyone who does not make that choice deserves to die because they obviously do not have any of their rational thought processes or natural animal instincts of self preservation left. I n essence, if someone chooses to continue drinking when they know they are going to die than they deserve to die. They have essentially committed suicide. I believe and know that anyone who is medically detoxed and given some small amount of  counseling in order to regroup can stop drinking. It's actually very simple.

My doctor said it was not that simple and that alcoholism is a disease that kills millions of people. I said," you're right dr. *****. Alcoholism does kill millions of people. The American Medical association as made it so people who develop a drinking habit of their own free will now have an excuse. They have a label that they can put on themselves that prevents them from fighting back against that which started them down the path of drinking. They now can sit in a room with 30 other defeatist losers with a ten year pin who rely heavily on each other to stay away from the transcendent power of alcohol. There are legions of groups stronger than any other cause or political group that meet daily to whine on their hands and knees about their "disease". The AMA feeds this disease with counseling and drugs and hospitalization and million dollar rehab centers.................He stopped me before i could finish my tirade

He said okay I understand where you are coming from, so how did you do it? How did you stop drinking? I looked him straight in the face and said, I did it on my hands and feet. I did it on the strength of what is inside me. I did it angry. The day I walked out of the hospital I went to every bar and liquor store that over served me and thanked those people for being who they were. At my rehab center I ignored everything I was told about Alcoholics Anonymous and 12 step and I focused on myself and my anger. My anger was not only for the people who had looked me in the face and served me when i had no money or abandoned me when i was passed out cold and alone, it was for me.

My anger was mostly directed at the one person who not only caused all this pain but also the one person who could end it. I was not going to let any doctor or definition tell me I had a disease for the rest of my life and I was going to change everything.

Facts:

1. This February I am sober for ten years without a hiccup.
2. I walked out of #AA ten years ago and never looked back as it insulted my intelligence and understanding of what it means to be a human being.
3. I have been off insulin and other drugs for Diabetes for years and never check my blood sugar
4. I have not taken any pain medication for my chronic pancreatitis despite pain that most people would not be able to ignore
5. I am a successful business executive with my own home and beautiful wife and son
6. I can run ten miles at an 8:10 second per mile pace without blinking 3 weeks before my 40th birthday
7. I can lift almost twice my body weight on bench press
8. I have performed at the elite levels in 4 different obstacle races in my first year of trying

I had a great trip to my new doctor's office today because I am not an "alcoholic". I had a nasty habit that I broke. I tested my theory and had some pretty god results with the evidence that I collected.

There isn't a doctor in the world that can tell me I am an alcoholic. The reason is that alcoholism is not a disease. Diabetes is but they had a hard time with that one too because I worked really hard to get where I am. Chronic pancreatitis is a condition but the pain is bearable considering my body of work in the pain department.

There is no such thing as Alcoholism as a disease. Cancer is a disease, Multiple Sclerosis is a disease, and leukemia is a disease. You can't possibly compare a drinking habit to those true diseases. Alcoholics Anonymous,12 step programs, and every rehab center in the country wants you to believe in the lie of "Alcoholism" as a disease". Then and only then will you have an excuse to fail.

You can live the rest of your life on your knees as an "alcoholic" or on your feet as a powerful human being.

Alcoholism is not a Disease!

Disclaimer: I am not for everyone but I may be for you!

Disclaimer!

I wanted add a new posting to my blog to act as a disclaimer and I have not written in some time. I am not for everyone and my beliefs will almost definitely alienate a huge cross section of those I intend to reach. My response is, " I am not for everyone."

1. Human beings are inherently weak. Through societal conditioning, psychologists, psychiatrists and drug companies,  human beings are a race of dependents. AA counts on this and has the worst success rate for suffering addicts among all other options. wait , what happens if you don't understand that there are other options. You yourself are weak and even worse is the fact that the people who love you and surround you often times become weak in the face of addiction. They have no way of understanding what needs to be done how how to do what needs to be done and they let their loved ones die. Therefore you alone must understand that if you are an addict you r ass needs to be put away in jail or in a rehab center to get medically detoxed and then you alone need to take control of your own life without the label of alcoholism telling you that you are powerless.How do I know this?

• I drank and drugged hard for ten years , suffered seizures  lived alone and all my friends and family abandoned me and left me to die because they had no idea what to do when I alone had lost the will to live. I've seen and personally dealt with dozens of addicts and people that have dies or tried to kill themselves subscribing to AA and the myth of alcoholism.

1. Alcoholism is something that has been debated for centuries and the american medical association finally decided to call it a disease because they stand to profit from the care given to hose weak minded enough to believe they are diseased. The pharmaceutical companies also benefit huge from the addicted mind. Do the research and do the homework. Alcoholism is not a disease. It is a habit that you created through your own free will. It is not passed on through race like the Irish claim nor through genes. None of that has ever been proven or documented with irrefutable facts. However calling the habit of drinking too much alcohol until your body becomes addicted to it has been called a disease because a truly addicted person stops growing and changing mentally and emotionally so its easy to label as a disease because it does effect you for the long term. However, if you are medically detoxed, get sober, and never drink again. You can become an MVP quarterback in the Superbowl . ask Kurt ?Warner? How do I know this?

• I did some serious damage to my liver and pancreas and now have chronic pancreatitius as well as diabetes as a result of drinking. However Noone would look at me and know that I have either of these things because I am currently in the best shape of my entire life. I have 9 years of sobriety and have never ever had a relapse. Ever! I went to AA a few times and was disgusted with the caliber of people and left. I was medically detoxed, and then stopped drinking and never drank again. There is not a single doctor inthe world that could do a single test on me and say that i had" alcoholism" because it does not exist. I am living proof. extraordinarily powerful and unique living proof but living proof none the less.

1. AA is bullshit and is the ultimate way to replace your addiction and dependence on a substance with an addiction and dependence on people who are dependent on each other in a group psychosis type of atmosphere. This atmosphere feeds off powerlessness, weakness, and attributing sobriety to a god that may or may not exist. I could do that too and maybe attribute my success to the Smurfs but if the Smurfs don't exist. the point is that dependent people need other dependent people and a "higher" power for #AA to work and thrive. If there was no higher power than i guess you would have to attribute your sobriety to a sponsor. what happens when that sponsor fails or drinks and god forbid loses his coins or chip on his key ring. where do you turn. How do I know this:

• There is no one on the face of the earth that can ever tell themselves or anyone else that someone else or something else was or is responsible for their success. There may be people or situations that have helped along the way but if a person does take ownership of achieving a goal on their own they will fail.If you choose to be a powerless "alcoholic" that sits in a room full of other powerless people than that is who you are and your achievements are contained within that bubble of thinking and way of understanding your own existence. Conversely, if you understand that you are the only person who can change your circumstance and that "alcoholism" is a label and not a disease, than you can get medically detoxed, stop drinking and simply move on through life and do whatever you set your mind to doing. How do I know this:

1. 9 years of sobriety without a hiccup with drugs and or alcohol. 
2. Quit smoking
3. Changed my diet when diagnosed with Diabetes and got off insulin completely and all other medication to treat type 2 diabetes by losing 50 pounds
4. play 3 sports
5. weight training for 5 years without fail suspended only to train for distance running
6. Went from running a 20 minute mile to a sub 6 minute mile pace for 10 miles.
7. Trained and successfully completed and placed in the top 10% in my age range in two extreme obstacle course races at 40 years old after having my ACL replaced 1.5 years earlier.
8. Walked out of AA rooms 9 years ago and never looked back
9. Have had 9 successful checkups every year and notonce was told I had alcoholism. apparently it's in remission! :)
10. I am a father, a Director at a company,a husband, a brother, a son, a nephew, a cousin, and uncle, a friend, a grandson and the unstoppable master of one.

My blog is candid. It is arrogant. It is arrogant and it is accusatory because I wish someone had spoken to me this way when I was drinking 100 proof vodka for breakfast and at lunch to keep from shaking during my meetings and puking when I got home. Addiction is an ugly habit that I brought on myself as a result of some possible psychological issue or otherwise but it is a problem I solved not a disease.

Someday I hope to open my own rehab center that helps people learn exactly what I did to get where I am today but in the meantime, I am that "asshole" as someone who commented on my blog portrayed me that will say things as they are, not how they appear to be. Everyone benefits from the lie of "alcoholism" and AA except the people that face those terms and ideals.

I am proof. I am the master of One and I am here to help If you don't like anything you have read. If you don't like what I have to say and if you don;'t find me credible. challenge me! I want to know what I have done wrong to get where I am today.

If yourself subscribe to #AA and have 30 years of sobriety and a higher power poster in your head with a meeting you attend everyday of the week. Good for you. You are not what I envision a powerful human being to be but you are sober and alive. Good for you.

The reality is that there is another way to live and it's powerful beyond measure.

Another 4th of July Passes and there is Booze Everywhere!

So what! There are gasoline stations everywhere and I am not going to go light myself on fire. There is a Dunkin Donuts, a liquor store, or convenience store around every corner but that does not mean I have to buy a bottle of Jack, a Doughnut, and some cigarettes everyday.


Why is it that I have to sit and read the twitter feeds and read the blogs of alcoholics who are constantly overwhelmed by the presence of alcohol in their lives. Then a holiday comes around and these same people take the social media like ants to a picnic or more like dogs to their crate during alighting storm.


It's because people love labels and AA and 12 step programs as well as rehab centers and doctors love labels. Labels free these people and organizations of the responsibility they have to being human and understanding the true nature of what exactly happens when you label yourself. 


This fourth of July I ran 7.5 miles and continued my journey on as I prepare for a long distance obstacle course race. 8 years of sobriety without one single slip or mishap. I actually went straight from detox to the bars with my friends and hung out all night. Then I quickly got rid of those friends. The next days that followed I went to all the liquor stores that served me when i was shaking and had just puked on myself. I asked each person there why they served me when they knew I was slowly killing myself? The answers I got were varied and the whole process was very amusing and telling. I'm going to tell you that those people that I once considered friends were diseased and part of the group psychosis that affects everyone in this country. It's unsaid understanding that everyone should drink. If you are not drinking something must be wrong with you or you are just an alcoholic. I will also tell you that the people and bartenders that serve people booze until they cant see straight or walk out and get intheir car are also diseased. They feed into the same group psychosis and unsaid understanding that everyone drinks and that if they were not serving people their competitors would.


So then there is you and I. We are told from the time we we first go to AA from a court order or as a rehab mandate that we are diseased. However in this instance it is not an unsaid concept. It is is actually encouraged that we call ourselves diseased and spend as much time as possible with other people that are diseased. Then on top of that we admit that we are powerless to control that disease. Then we keep the company of all these defeatists who have created their own disease with the help of the American Medical Association and the Pharma companies so that we can avoid the pitfalls of the disease. We form our own local secret club to replace the friends we had and to fill the void in our life of the need for belonging and the need for both empathy and sympathy. It's the secret club that everyone knows about but that you just don't tell people about at your job or among people you don't consider very close friends. You know what I have a surprise for you. even your very close friends think less of you because you have a disease.


Well I don't know about you but the last place I wanted to be on the 4th of July this year was in a room full of people quivering at the thought of alcohol and telling stories. So * years ago I got up and walked out of an AA meeting because I decided that the people I was surrounded by were doomed to a life of living with a label that did not need to be there. I will go ahead and say that is you are in AA and if you believe in everything they tell you, you are cutting yourself off at the knees. My grandfather dies of cancer. He had a disease. I started drinking one day and it almost killed me 15 years later. It's called bad habit that takes over your bodies systems and can kill you. 


However, you started it and you can control it and end it. This fourth of July I ran 7.5 miles. I am in the best shape of my life and some would say I am middle aged. I ran a six minute mile the other day in 90 degree heat. I was told I had diabetes at 185 pounds and so i lost 50 pounds and took myself off insulin against medical advice. That was a year ago. I don't have a disease called alcoholism because there is no such thing. The habit starts, you feed it, you can get medically detoxed, and you can never drink again. If you do that, no doctor in the world will examine you off the street and tell you that you have "alcoholism"


Another fourth of July and there was alcohol all around me as I went to three different business and social gatherings over the past few days. I watched people act ridiculous, I saw people grossly overweight, I saw people who definitely had a problem, I saw people who drank socially, I even saw people who were just drinking a cold bottle of water. Imagine that! They must have been an alcoholic. The best part is that the phenomenon continues to show itself and no matter how many times someone sees me I have the opportunity to have a pleasant exchange with someone who really needs for me to have a drink in my hand. Sometimes it's just someone being social, other times it's a drunk asshole who feels guilty about the fact that he is drunk.

My favorite exchange was with a drunk asshole last year while I was watching the fireworks with my son at a public fireworks display. This guy had the balls to ask me if I wanted a beer three times before saying," what the fuck is the matter with you man, are you some kind of alcoholic or something? My honest response was this;" i don't really know what that means but if I had to guess I would say that an alcoholic would more likely be the guy who is pushing drinks on strangers, wasted at a public fireworks display in front of his family and is probably 50 to 60 pounds overweight and carrying all of it in his gut from all the carbohydrates in beer." The guy guy looked at me very puzzled and said that I was an asshole and that he would kick my ass if I was not in front of my little boy.  I explained to this guy that i really had no idea what an alcoholic was because I don't know any and that i was not drinking alcohol because I don't like it and it does nothing for me. He said, ohh okay well I thought you were some AA nut or something."  That's an alcoholic and if he doesn't stop what he is doing he will die.

I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a three sport athlete with almost no body fat on my body. I'm a Director level executive at a company and father and a husband. However those are all labels. I guess the most important thing I learned over the past 8 years is that I don't want to be around alcoholics. They are either in the training phase, the dependence phase, or the defeatist diseased phase and none of those type of people appeal to me. I guess the only label I would have for myself is that of a rational thinking human being that had a problem with alcohol and decided to put an end to it. Was it easy? no? Am I diseased? You tell me? Could I drink again? I could but why? I'm so much better off without it.

Can I help you? Yes! You just have to believe that you are not diseased and that you should not feel any different on the 4th of July or new years or any day just because there is alcohol around. Truth is I think mostly everyone else is diseased and I am right where I need to be on the evolutionary ladder. another 4th of July, another analysis of my sobriety and truth.

Not Everything Works for Everyone

If you read nothing else you really should check this out if you are interested in some information about why AA does not work and 12 step does nto work for many many people.

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-effectiveness.html

The Method Behind The Madness

Hello to everyone and anyone that reads this. It's important that you understand the history behind why my crusade for self improvement started. It's important that you understand that the aggressive nature of this blog and it's anti #AA $12 step #rehab and #god message is the way it is.

I have tried all of those things and taken enough depression meds to kill a larger horse. I was triple diagnosed with all types of things but the reality is that I am just fine and I take nothing ow except aspirin for a headache. As much as I hate the idea of making this blog anything like an AA meeting, I will recap. I had a physical addiction to alcohol and huge problem with cocaine, marijuana, and acid. Mostly I drank myself down to 118 pounds at 5 foot 6 and had multiples seizures, developed chronic pancreatitus and later in life my pancreas gave up and I have diabetes now.

I arrived at a rehab full of people that were spending some of their time in rehab before going to prison for a long time. Murderers, rapists, bank robbers, gang members, and 85% of the population had full blown AIDS. I entered the facility and could not walk, had trouble speaking and had no idea where I was. I had not eaten in days. I was brought there by a friend who literally carried me out of a hospital in the Northeast and flew me out to the middle of nowhere in the midwest. I was medically detoxed and then subjected to what I considered to be madness.

Madness to me was the stranglehold that the facility put on people's minds during counseling sessions that boldly told me that I had a disease that would never go away and that my chances of staying sober were slim to none? What? I was told I need to "surrender" to god and surround myself by people who were trying to stay in recovery for the rest of their lives in order to have a support system around me. I was told that I was powerless against alcohol and drugs and that I needed to surrender to my higher power in order to make sure I knew that the disease was more powerful than I.

"Record scratching noise" One day I stood up and told my counselor that I was not going to listen to this "shit " anymore and than I was excluding myself from group sessions and meetings, and anything else that involved any of the above mentioned topics. The facility had a gym that literally was open 30 minutes a day for people to have supervised workouts. I Lobbyed to have the gym open for more time and eventually it made sense to the rehab facility to have it open for a few hours a day at different times and the program was restructured to allow people to have a choice. There also was nothing to read except self help books authorized by the facility. I lobbyed to get books of all types brought to the facility but that did not happen. people had to have books sent tot hem and screened for approval. Eventually I was reading a history book, philosophy, or psychology book every two weeks. finally after interacting with the people I was surrounded by, I was asked to stay there and become a counselor but that i would need to be trained on their methodology and incorporate some of the things that I had introduced. That was not going to be the case. I had seen the way things could be done and then I decided that someday I would do things the way they should be done.

Today I am a father, husband, brother, son, grandson, corporate executive, 3 sport athlete, still five foot 6 but standing at a mean lean 155 pounds. I lost 20 pounds to enter an obstacle race. I was a bulky 175 pounds of shocking muscle. I have read more than 50 books on many topics since my rehab days and continue to read every week. I train 5 days a week. I have diabetes but I got my body to the point where I am no longer insulin dependent due to diet and exercise. I have chronic pancreatitus but control that with diet and exercise. The on thing I do not have is alcoholism. I had a problem with alcohol and drugs but I conquered it through the systematic transformation of my mind, body, and spirit using exercise, my mind, and the only higher power I ever needed. That higher power stares back at me everyday in the mirror.

I am currently in pursuit of a grant so someday I can quit my silly day job and open a center that will allow people to have the opportunity to strip away all the conventional notions of AA, 12 step, god, drugs and all that other unnecessary dependency replacement activity. I want to create an environment and a refine the process I went through by surrounding myself with brilliant people who can help me bring this project through to fruition. I have a concrete plan and a sound methodology for people who just want to be free of all the constraints of the current way of doing thins.

My blog is angry, my blog is forceful, my blog is opinionated and I will not apologize for that. I've watched people die, I've carried bodies to the er, I've seen people OD, I've listened to people tell me how hard they tried to "work the program" or surrender to god and they only find themselves with a hand full of coins or on the phone with another addict at 3am begging for help. My program will never have anyone on their knees or collecting coins. My program will create lasting sobriety for someone who has the ability to strip away all their understanding of addiction and alcoholism as a disease, remove all their barriers to success, eliminate crutches, and simply live within themselves until they find that they are capable of being able to bring others into their world to share in their success.

So for as many times as I angrily bash #AA, #12step, #god,#rehab centers,# medical doctors, 3pharmaceuticals, I also want to make it very clear that if you are sober and you use any of these methods, than I applaud your ability to stay alive because the odds are against you. If my comments anger you or offend you, then my approach is not for you. I understand that and respect that but in the end keep it in mind that I want to help people.

If I get my wish and my program takes off then people will need to be interviewed and qualify for entry into my program. The greatest gift I could ever give them is the gift I have given to a few select individuals who I have taught my system to. I have given them the ability to understand that not only are they not diseased and do not need anyone or anything to keep them sober except themselves, but the reality of their existence and their story is inspiring others to try and learn how to work this method themselves.

How does this program work? That information is coming soon. If you read my other blog posts you may get a sense of madness, anger, determination, and disgust for the current way people do things. It's only because i know there is a better way and I have tried every other way.

There is a method to my madness.

Exercise Destroys the Alcoholism Disease Myth

I am a recovered yes I said recovered drug addict and alcoholic. Most people that go to #AA everyday are consumed with the notion that they are diseased and therefor need the support of other diseased people who understand their debilitating disease. My brilliant doctors told me that I had alcoholism and that I needed to always be aware of that fact that I had the disease and would be in recovery.


Yesterday I ran 1 mile then jumped into 100 lunges, then ran another mile, and jumped into 100 squats, then ran another mile and did 100 pushups, then ran another mile and did 100 pullups, then ran another mile and did 100 burpees and then ran another mile. Then I cam home and had a fantastic protein and fresh fruit shake and then played with my son as I chased him down the street on his bike. I have a 24.2 BMI which is considered Normal. I used to be considered overweight at 180 pounds of rock solid muscle but since I started training for my first 12 mile obstacle course and run I have slimmed down so I can have the proper body type for running a race like this.

When I entered rehab I was 125 pounds and could not walk, had suffered multiple seizures, and could not think straight. what happened to my alcoholism why am I not diseased.

Your Height:
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Your Weight:
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Your BMI:

If you have read any of my past postings you will see the cramming anger with which I approach the alcoholism myth. It's because doctors, and people at the rehab center I went to continued to shove the idea down my throat that I was not like other people and that I had a disease. I actually believed it. Ii took depression meds to help me deal with the fact that because i was an alcoholic, I must be depressed. Or maybe i was depressed and became an alcoholic.  Then I truly believed that I could stay sober by feeding off the so called positive energy of the #aa cult of interdependence. They call it support.

#truth. Here 's the deal. One day while sitting in an AA meeting I was listening to guy talking about this past and he started crying and something snapped inside of me. I realized that I didn't want to listen to this bitch's whining anymore and I wanted to get out of that room. I wanted to know that I was not going to be dependent on this room full of crying , bitching, moaning, defeatist, hand holding, cult -like losers who believed they were diseased.


Guess what. Give me any doctor anywhere in the world and have them examine me and tell me that I have alcoholism and I will pay you $1000.00. It simply does not exist. what does exist is the American Medical Association creating and sustaining the use of this word in order to fund research on this so called disease, the pharmaceutical companies continuing to benefit from new drugs that are thrown at people to help their alcoholism or other diagnosis that is necessarily the byproduct of alcoholism, the rehab centers who take $50,000 dollars from people to coddle them for 6 months to a year. Rehab centers truly believe that coddling people and talking a whole bunch of interdependent shit is going to prepare and addict to enter the real world.

The whole experienced amazed me so much that I am determined to open my own rehab center someday that will be more like the cross between a prison, cross fit gym, and military bootcamp. My higher power is in my mirror.

So let's pretend that I am and angry delusional asshole that is just spouting off opinion here.

Imagine that you get medically detoxed and are thrown into a prison cell with nothing but a pen, paper, and books and you are forced to be learn to know yourself. then slowly but surely a team of actual psychologists( not jerkoffs who run AA meetings) help you understand that you are not diseased, then slowly but surely you work yourself into an exercise regimen that gets your blood flowing again to your brain and the rest of your body. The you have a nutritionist who helps you learn how to eat properly so you can reach your goals. So then fast forward a few months and you are eating healthy, exercise daily , reading any book you choose to read, at least 1 a month and you are keeping a journal of your success.

Finally you wake up one day and you are running a few miles in the morning, hitting the weights in the afternoon, eating veggies and good food, have developed new interest from reading and have a journal that is a testimony to your great achievements. Finally you go to a medical doctor and you ask him how your alcoholism is progressing?

The doctor says," Alcoholism, well your liver took a beating but it will recover a little bit and you'll be just fine on that front, your pancreas is a little beat up from your acute pancreatitus attacks, and other that than all your vitals are normal and you are perfectly fine. As a matter of fact your exercise regimen has you at peak levels on most things and as long as you dont use or drink you will be perfectly fine.

Then you go to your psychologist and he says: Well the brain of an addict and alcoholic is permanently changed forever. You may be emotionally stuck at the age where you were when you started using and so you may have some developmental catching up to do in comparison to your peers. as long as you are aware of this you should be fine and be open with friend and future relationships. just be aware of it and compensate. The other thing is that your brain chemistry will always be seeking the immediate gratification of a drug or a drink so just don't do it. If your brain releases the chemicals that come with the immediate gratification of your prior habits your brain will tell your body to keep doing it and you will start right back on the path towards being an addict. Take up a different hobby and definitely exercise because it releases the same chemicals that your addiction id and its only good for you. You don't have a disease you are just forever changed and if you understand that you can use that knowledge to your advantage to become a healthy thriving individual. surround yourself with people that will challenge you and challenge those around you. The hardest thing to do is accept that you are not only not diseased but in fact you are triumphant for surviving this horrible experience. However, remember that you did this to yourself, noone did it to you and no set of circumstances or heredity caused your addiction. In the same way that there was nothing that caused this. There is nothing that can stop you from becoming not only "normal" bu better than you were before you became a addict or a drunk. more than 90% of addicts go back to using or drinking within the first month. There are very people on the planet that can remain sober for even a year after what you have been through, what will you do? Who will you be. what can you be.  This is what I was told and the questions that i was asked.

Here is how I answer those questions 8 years later:

I am not a statistic
I am better than 99% of the sober or recovering people I meet because my opinion of myself is all that matters
I am in the best shape of my life
I eat like a well trained athlete and exercise 6 days a week to some degree
I am running an obstacle race
I am a successful executive at a growing company
 I am a good man to those that deserve the pleasure of being in my world
I will support anyone who wants to help themselves
I do not rely on defeatist AA bound fat lazy losers who can't stand on their own two feet, they are not part of my world and don't deserve to be
My higher power stares at me from every mirror I look into
Someday when I am done doing the silly ass job I do now I will find someone to help me invest in a Center for Lasting Sobriety and in the process make #AA and #12 step and other rehab centers feel like an inferior way of thinking.

I am proof that alcoholism is not a disease and that my way is the right way. That is what I believe and if you don't keep doing whatever it is that you are doing to stay sober but keep in mind that you could be so much more than just an addict with some coins, who is powerless, and has a sponsor. You could be so much more than someone who believes they are diseased. You could be surrounding yourself with people that you don't need to be around because they support your sobriety. You could be surrounded by people who never had a problem with drugs or alcohol and want to be near you because you are the clearest definition of success, confidence, and strength that they have ever known.


If you find this offensive and you you don't like what I am saying. I don't really give a shit. That just means that you don't get the benefits of learning from me or knowing me. More importantly you don't get the benefits of knowing your true self!


Here's some science for ya!

for Alcohol Dependence

ScienceDaily (June 21, 2010) — Alcohol abuse is highly disruptive of circadian rhythms, and circadian disruptions can also lead to alcohol abuse as well as relapse in abstinent alcoholics. Circadian timing in mammals is regulated by light as well as other influences such as food, social interactions, and exercise. A new study of the relationship between alcohol intake and wheel-running in hamsters has found that exercise may provide an effective alternative for reducing alcohol intake in humans.

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See Also:

Health & Medicine

• Fitness
• Insomnia Research
• Birth Defects

Mind & Brain

• Alcoholism
• Addiction
• Insomnia

Reference

• Circadian rhythm sleep disorder
• Circadian rhythm
• Jet lag
• Delayed sleep phase syndrome

Results will be published in the September 2010 issue ofAlcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research and are currently available at Early View.

"Alcohol abuse, characterized by routine craving for and consumption of alcohol as well as an inability to function normally without it, disrupts both the timing and consolidation of daily circadian rhythms -- when to sleep, eat, and mate -- driven by the brain circadian clock," explained J. David Glass, professor of biological sciences at Kent State University and corresponding author for the study. "With continual alcohol use, one may go to bed too early or late, not sleep across the night, and have an unusual eating regime, eating little throughout the day and/or overeating at night. This can lead to a vicious cycle of drinking because these individuals, in response, will consume more alcohol to fall asleep easier only to complain of more disrupted sleep across the night and additionally have a greater craving for alcohol."

In other words, said Alan M. Rosenwasser, professor of psychology at the University of Maine, chronic alcohol abuse and circadian disruption become reciprocally destructive and result in negative effects on physical and emotional health. "It is therefore very interesting that access to running wheels or other forms of voluntary exercise in animal experiments has emerged as a powerful environmental factor influencing brain health, circadian rhythms, and emotional well-being," he said.

Glass agreed, noting that exercise is important in the non-photic regulation of circadian timing. "Restricting animals from exercising," he said, "such as blocking access to a running wheel as we did in this study, had a significant stimulatory effect on alcohol consumption."

Glass and his colleagues tested for three things: the effects of wheel-running on chronic free-choice consumption of an alcohol (20% v/v) and water solution; the effects of alcohol consumption on wheel-running in alcohol-naïve hamsters; and the influence of constant light (LL) on both alcohol consumption and wheel-running behavior.

"In this study, we found that the more the hamsters ran, the less they consumed alcohol," said Glass. "The 'lazier' hamsters that did not run as much had a greater craving for and consumption of alcohol, suggesting that exercise may be an effective, beneficial, and non-pharmacologic treatment option for alcoholism."

"It seems that alcohol intake and voluntary exercise represent two forms of inherently rewarding behavior," added Rosenwasser, "and the rewarding effects of these two behaviors may partially substitute for one another. This finding suggests that the two behaviors are regulated by overlapping systems in the brain."

Glass agreed, noting that exercise appears able to alter the chemical environment of the brain in a manner similar to alcohol. "Dopamine is the primary chemical released within the brain in response to any type of reward, including exercise, drugs, food, and sex," he said. "For humans, exercise may be an effective, beneficial, and naturally rewarding substitute for any type of addiction. It may also reduce the risk of addiction in individuals who have a family history of it, in addition to significantly reducing the risk of cardiovascular disease and mood disorders. But like all rewards, exercise should be used in moderation, and not interfere with an individual's normal daily functioning."

A second key finding was that hamsters that displayed greater sensitivity to the disruptive effects of constant light on circadian rhythms also craved alcohol less. "Thus, there may be an underlying genetic predisposition for alcohol dependence and abuse that is expressed under challenging circadian conditions," said Glass, "such as shift work, sleep problems or repeated jet-lag exposure."

"Several research groups have recently become interested in relationships between circadian clocks, exercise, and alcohol and drug abuse," said Rosenwasser. "In general, research in this area has shown that alcohol abuse can dramatically disrupt biological rhythms, that these disruptions can promote subsequent alcohol abuse, and that exercise is an important environmental factor influencing both circadian rhythms and alcohol drinking. These studies have opened several new directions for alcohol researchers, and raise the hope that circadian-based and/or exercise-based interventions may be developed for improved management of the serious and debilitating disorders associated with excessive drinking."

"Many members of the general public, and indeed, many medical professionals, continue to view alcohol abuse and alcohol addiction as character flaws and as failures of 'willpower,'" said Rosenwasser. "Findings such as these help put alcohol abuse disorders in a broader biological context, and show that both physiological and environmental factors contribute to excessive alcohol intake. Accordingly, these physiological and environmental factors will need to be addressed in order to effectively control alcohol abuse and other forms of excessive behavior."