I have tried all of those things and taken enough depression meds to kill a larger horse. I was triple diagnosed with all types of things but the reality is that I am just fine and I take nothing ow except aspirin for a headache. As much as I hate the idea of making this blog anything like an AA meeting, I will recap. I had a physical addiction to alcohol and huge problem with cocaine, marijuana, and acid. Mostly I drank myself down to 118 pounds at 5 foot 6 and had multiples seizures, developed chronic pancreatitus and later in life my pancreas gave up and I have diabetes now.
I arrived at a rehab full of people that were spending some of their time in rehab before going to prison for a long time. Murderers, rapists, bank robbers, gang members, and 85% of the population had full blown AIDS. I entered the facility and could not walk, had trouble speaking and had no idea where I was. I had not eaten in days. I was brought there by a friend who literally carried me out of a hospital in the Northeast and flew me out to the middle of nowhere in the midwest. I was medically detoxed and then subjected to what I considered to be madness.
Madness to me was the stranglehold that the facility put on people's minds during counseling sessions that boldly told me that I had a disease that would never go away and that my chances of staying sober were slim to none? What? I was told I need to "surrender" to god and surround myself by people who were trying to stay in recovery for the rest of their lives in order to have a support system around me. I was told that I was powerless against alcohol and drugs and that I needed to surrender to my higher power in order to make sure I knew that the disease was more powerful than I.
"Record scratching noise" One day I stood up and told my counselor that I was not going to listen to this "shit " anymore and than I was excluding myself from group sessions and meetings, and anything else that involved any of the above mentioned topics. The facility had a gym that literally was open 30 minutes a day for people to have supervised workouts. I Lobbyed to have the gym open for more time and eventually it made sense to the rehab facility to have it open for a few hours a day at different times and the program was restructured to allow people to have a choice. There also was nothing to read except self help books authorized by the facility. I lobbyed to get books of all types brought to the facility but that did not happen. people had to have books sent tot hem and screened for approval. Eventually I was reading a history book, philosophy, or psychology book every two weeks. finally after interacting with the people I was surrounded by, I was asked to stay there and become a counselor but that i would need to be trained on their methodology and incorporate some of the things that I had introduced. That was not going to be the case. I had seen the way things could be done and then I decided that someday I would do things the way they should be done.
Today I am a father, husband, brother, son, grandson, corporate executive, 3 sport athlete, still five foot 6 but standing at a mean lean 155 pounds. I lost 20 pounds to enter an obstacle race. I was a bulky 175 pounds of shocking muscle. I have read more than 50 books on many topics since my rehab days and continue to read every week. I train 5 days a week. I have diabetes but I got my body to the point where I am no longer insulin dependent due to diet and exercise. I have chronic pancreatitus but control that with diet and exercise. The on thing I do not have is alcoholism. I had a problem with alcohol and drugs but I conquered it through the systematic transformation of my mind, body, and spirit using exercise, my mind, and the only higher power I ever needed. That higher power stares back at me everyday in the mirror.
I am currently in pursuit of a grant so someday I can quit my silly day job and open a center that will allow people to have the opportunity to strip away all the conventional notions of AA, 12 step, god, drugs and all that other unnecessary dependency replacement activity. I want to create an environment and a refine the process I went through by surrounding myself with brilliant people who can help me bring this project through to fruition. I have a concrete plan and a sound methodology for people who just want to be free of all the constraints of the current way of doing thins.
My blog is angry, my blog is forceful, my blog is opinionated and I will not apologize for that. I've watched people die, I've carried bodies to the er, I've seen people OD, I've listened to people tell me how hard they tried to "work the program" or surrender to god and they only find themselves with a hand full of coins or on the phone with another addict at 3am begging for help. My program will never have anyone on their knees or collecting coins. My program will create lasting sobriety for someone who has the ability to strip away all their understanding of addiction and alcoholism as a disease, remove all their barriers to success, eliminate crutches, and simply live within themselves until they find that they are capable of being able to bring others into their world to share in their success.
So for as many times as I angrily bash #AA, #12step, #god,#rehab centers,# medical doctors, 3pharmaceuticals, I also want to make it very clear that if you are sober and you use any of these methods, than I applaud your ability to stay alive because the odds are against you. If my comments anger you or offend you, then my approach is not for you. I understand that and respect that but in the end keep it in mind that I want to help people.
If I get my wish and my program takes off then people will need to be interviewed and qualify for entry into my program. The greatest gift I could ever give them is the gift I have given to a few select individuals who I have taught my system to. I have given them the ability to understand that not only are they not diseased and do not need anyone or anything to keep them sober except themselves, but the reality of their existence and their story is inspiring others to try and learn how to work this method themselves.
How does this program work? That information is coming soon. If you read my other blog posts you may get a sense of madness, anger, determination, and disgust for the current way people do things. It's only because i know there is a better way and I have tried every other way.
There is a method to my madness.
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