The AMA debated the validity of "Alcoholism being a disease for decades until they discovered the trail of money to be made from labeling it as a disease. Follow the trail. I spent $400/week sometimes on booze, then I spent in excess of $10000/year on medical costs outside of my insurance payments, I paid thousands in court fees and lawyer fees, I spent weeks in jail, then I spent countless hours sitting a room for people who smoked and drank coffee together in a group psychosis of interdependence. The time I spent in Alcoholics Anonymous was the worst time of all because it cost me time and money because i was not out making money. I was wasting time hoping that becoming dependent on other people's "misery loves company" nonsense would heal me. Maybe i just wasn't in touch with my higher power? Bullshit. I knew there was more to life than these people aspired to be.
Let's assume that the AMA is right and alcoholism is a disease of the mind. Why then would I want to surround myself with a group of people with a diseased mind after I had sobered up. that seemed counter intuitive and I was enraged that I was forced to be there by the courts. Those people made me sick. Then I collapsed with seizures I paid even more money to go into a rehab center for a few months until I demanded to leave. Then I paid even more money to sit in a psychologists chair for a few sessions only to discover that I had figured out what my problem was when I was back in rehab locked in a room for 8 hours a night. Miraculously or not, I was given a clean bill of health 5 months after I left this glorious rehab center. My liver enzymes were slightly elevated and my pancreas showed obvious signs of wear but there were no cells in my body attacking other cells in order to systematically destroy my body. I had an emotional and or psychological issue that made the habit of alcoholism serve a purpose. For me it was giving me the ability to cope with a loss and recreate my identity when I moved away from all my friends at crucial age. Alcohol defined me and everything I did. Eventually the habit of alcoholism led to the disease of Type 2 Diabetes
The Habit:
The modern disease theory of alcoholism states that problem drinking is sometimes caused by a disease of the brain, characterized by altered brain structure and function. The American Medical Association (AMA) had declared that alcoholism was an illness in 1956. In 1991, The AMA further endorsed the dual classification of a
Alcoholism by the International Classification of Diseases under both psychiatric and medical sections.( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disease_theory_of_alcoholism)
The Disease
What Is Type 2 Diabetes?
Unlike people with type 1 diabetes, people with type 2 diabetes produce insulin; however, either their pancreas does not produce enough insulin or the body cannot use the insulin adequately. This is called insulin resistance. When there isn't enough insulin or the insulin is not used as it should be, glucose (sugar) can't get into the body's cells. When glucose builds up in the blood instead of going into cells, the body's cells are not able to function properly. Other problems associated with the buildup of glucose in the blood include:
- Damage to the body. Over time, the high glucose levels in the blood may damage the nerves and small blood vessels of the eyes, kidneys, and heart and predispose a person to atherosclerosis (hardening) of the large arteries that can cause heart attack and stroke.
- Dehydration. The buildup of sugar in the blood can cause an increase in urination. When the kidneys lose the glucose through the urine, a large amount of water is also lost, causing dehydration.
- Diabetic Coma (Hyperosmolar nonketotic diabetic coma) . When a person with type 2 diabetes becomes very ill or severely dehydrated and is not able to drink enough fluids to make up for the fluid losses, they may develop this life-threatening complication.
Anyone can get type 2 diabetes. However, those at highest risk for the disease are those who
- Are over 45
- Are obese or overweight
- Have had gestational diabetes
- Have family members who have type 2 diabetes
- Have prediabetes
- Are inactive
- Have low HDL cholesterol or high triglycerides levels
- Have high blood pressure
- Are members of certain racial or ethnic groups
I walked in rehab 128 pounds without the ability to walk on my own. In a little over three months I was running a two mile track and had gained 15 pounds of muscle through a very strict diet and exercise plan. I absolutely refused to attend #AA meetings, I ignored all of the doctrine and I negotiated that I would work in the kitchen to avoid meetings and use the remainder of the time to training as if I were Rocky Balboa. What changed? to make a long story short, a counselor that I had a fist fight with at the rehab center escorted me into a bathroom and locked me in there for an hour. In that bathroom I discovered the most valuable tool for anyone who ever goes through the habit of alcoholism. A mirror.......... I'll come back to this! yes, A mirror.
When I left rehab I continued to gain weight and got stronger and bigger. I decided that the best thing I could do was become a muscle head. I took in 5 to 6 thousand calories a day and trained like madman. I joined a flag football league and was an instant success because i was also small, fast, and had built up my endurance. My greatest weapon was that I was fearless. I shredded up my arm against a fence to try and make a catch, I bit through my tongue and had to have it sewed back on, I dislocated my shoulder, blah blah blah. When those things happened I demanded to keep playing . Duct tape around my tongue and arm in each of those instances. You would think I was getting paid.
Then one day I woke up in the middle of the night and I had to pee like there was no tomorrow. This was accompanied my a crazy uncontrollable thirst. I let this go for two week until the headaches started and the feeling of almost passing out ran a muck on a daily basis. I was out of work after being laid off. I had no health insurance and soon found myself in a free clinic shaking and sweating. I was taken in and I did not leave for three days. My blood sugar level was through the roof and I was diagnosed with type two diabetes. I had no idea what this meant but soon learned that everything would need to change yet again. However, the doctor's were extremely useless because I had no insurance. The doctor at the clinic literally told me that I needed to go buy a glucometer and test strips, get the prescription filled for Lantis insulin pens and then follow up with a diabetic nurse. It was my first taste of what poor people get when they have no insurance and need help.
I went home and I sat and thought about the chain of events. First I drank myself into a a miserable state, then I got healthy, then apparently I got too healthy. all the while my pancreas had been damaged from drinking and now I had been pushing it's strained abilities to the limits but bulking up and gaining weight like a football player. My pancreas apparently had had enough and now I had to take Insulin and eat 2500 calories a day or less and lose 50 pounds? what the f****? I had no insurance and I knew that I needed help and I needed to understand Diabetes so I went to the http://www.joslin.org/ at the advice of a family friend who had Diabetes. I absorbed as much information as I could and after a week I realized that this was not as bad as I thought. In fact this was the exact same battle I had already gone through with alcoholism except this would never go away. However the fight would bring out the best in me or reveal my weakness.
Music had played a big part in my recovery after I had come to grips with the truth that the mirror in the bathroom at Rehab had showed me. I found Hatebreed and it guided me through the challenges. They are not a "hate" group. The singer had a bought with alcoholism and other issues as well and remains sober to this day. The band hates those thing which bring them down or make them less that who they really are. I remember hearing the song,"Facing What Consumes You" and its message and rhythm and feeling carried me and still does.
Hatebreed: Facing What Consumes YouFacing what consumes you is the only way to be free.Released from those poisonous fears.Resurrected once and for all.You want me to hold my tongue,Then why the fuck am I here?You want me to bottle my rage,Cause you never had the heart to say what I say.My life, my body, my pride.You have no opinion, no right.I've built myself nothing like you.My refusal is my way of life.
doubt me, DOUBT ME!,hate me,HATE ME!You're the inspiration I need 3x
You're all the inpiration that i need.
AHHHHH!!!
My life, my body, my prideYou have no say 3x
You don't have a say.
Facing what consumes you is the only way to be free.Though I'm still far from perfection.I stay relevant, I'm still vigilante.I have so much more to say.I have so much more to fight for.I've used your lack of expectation.As my awakening, its my ability to live foreverBy my own command.To be vehement, remain confident.
doubt me,DOUBT ME,hate me,HATE MEYou're the inspiration I need 3x
You're all the inspiration that I need.
Your doubt, it fuels me.x2Your hate, it drives me.x2The challenge ignites me.You make me fight harder! Stanza (x2)
YOU MAKE ME FIGHT HARDER!
I took on Diabetes in the same way that I took on Alcoholism but with a different understanding. I knew that my body was damaged and that Diabetes would never go away. Diabetes is a disease while Alcoholism remained and still is a habit. Fast forward 1 year. I am insulin free, I lost 50 pounds and I competed in and placed in the top 25% in my age group at the http://www.spartanrace.com/. I want to make it very clear that I attribute my sustained sobriety and overall health to the Spartan Race Community and it's leadership. The founder and his team of fitness experts have been kind enough to reach out to me from time to time for a variety of reasons. They understand that I live my life with purpose and am proud to be a Spartan Race Competitor anyone of any fitness level can enjoy Spartan racing. There is truly nothing like finishing a 3, 8 or 13 mile course. You begin to understand what you are capable of and your desire to get better overwhelms you. If you train for Spartan racing for 6 months and do 1 race, you will be a different person. Someday I hope I can spread this message to the addict and diabetic community.
I did 3 races in 4 months. To this day I do not check my insulin, my glucometer has dust on it and i see a doctor every 6 months. I am not the same as a I was when I was a 185 pound muscle head wrecking ball but I can run a %k in 26 minutes and compete at a fairly high level in obstacle racing for someone in their 40s. The spartan racing community unlike the AA community asks you to be better than you every day. I'm not really a big community person so I don't run obstacle races with a big group of people and have a good old time. I take myself pretty seriously and try and remember that I am the alpha and the omega.
I did 3 races in 4 months. To this day I do not check my insulin, my glucometer has dust on it and i see a doctor every 6 months. I am not the same as a I was when I was a 185 pound muscle head wrecking ball but I can run a %k in 26 minutes and compete at a fairly high level in obstacle racing for someone in their 40s. The spartan racing community unlike the AA community asks you to be better than you every day. I'm not really a big community person so I don't run obstacle races with a big group of people and have a good old time. I take myself pretty seriously and try and remember that I am the alpha and the omega.
There is only one person, there is only one thing that can drive a very simple person like me through the trials and tribulations of the physical and emotional challenges of overcoming the obstacles of the habit of alcoholism and the disease of Diabetes.
Flasback to rehab. I could barely stand and I was 3 weeks into rehab. Someone asked me to do something and I through my food at this person. This was not a good idea. little did I know that this counselor was a black belt in some form of martial arts. two other counselors came to help the situation and i got a few good punches in after flailing around like an idiot. I was dragged into a bathroom and sat in a chair and restrained. The counselor who brought me in there looked at me and said," Listen man, you can fight all you want but the only person you are fighting is yourself, we can let you go and you can walk out into the desert. Hell I'll even call you cab and give you money to get to the airport. In the end you need to decide what you are going to do. However , what ever decision you make you have to live with it and yourself."
I remember sitting there bloodied up a bit and really tired. I sat there for a little while and then shimmied myself over to the sink and stood up while still tied tot he chair with restraints. I stood there for what turned out to be over two hours. I remember the smell of the floor cleaner, I remember the taste of blood in my mouth and I remember it being pretty dark. I moved closer tot he door and flicked on the light switch with my shoulder so I could see better. I looked in the mirror and I saw the most horrific thing I had ever seen in my life. That's saying alot. I lived a fucked up life. I saw someone I didn't know looking back at me in the mirror. In an instant I knew what I had to do because i understood what I had done. Anger pushed through my veins like a lightning rod, sadness poured over me like a tidal wave, and yet relief propelled me to eventually knock on the door and ask to be set free.
The next day the beast was released and I have never looked back. No ridiculous group of interdependent cult like weaklings, no higher power, no god, no friend, no parent, no woman, no drug, no doctor, no one was going to make me better than I was. The only person that had the power to heal me was me. As with alcoholism, I decided to take diabetes head on and alone. I am in the best shape of my life and still sober and I owe it all to me.
I have a scathing and relentless disdain and impatience for what our society does to people who choose to make alcoholism a habit. It's not a disease but being labeled as such limits the innate power of the individual to overcome it. Instead millions of dollars are made by liquor company's and their advertisements, bars, rehab centers, doctors, and self help gurus that feed off of the psychological and emotional weaknesses that come along with labeling yourself an alcoholic for the rest of your life. I have that same disdain and impatience for fat people who are bodily able to do something about their diabetes by changing their diet and exercising but instead choose to try a magic pill or do nothing at all. They just complacently sit back and admit defeat or redefine themselves as a"big person" or big boned". Why so much hate?
It is because I understand intimately that we are all simply animals. I am living breathing proof of my own suppositions and observations and yet I am nothing special. We are separated from those creatures that walk on all fours by a complex brain. That brain is influenced by the society we live in. The society that molds the vision of "self" for people is flawed and destructive. Our brains begin to suppresses our natural instincts to survive and thrive as the cancer of societies influences prey on our weaknesses through religion, pop culture, and other human constructs that really are just noise Money is the driving force behind the sustained lie of "alcoholism" as a disease. Money is also surrendered by people who believe they can do nothing about their Diabetes. Imagine stripping away all the bullshit and realizing you can change the dynamics of your habits and diseases by simply looking in a mirror.
You are your greatest hero and facing what consumes you is the only way to be free!
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